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NCIS Quotes Season 5
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| Episode 5.01 "Bury Your Dead" | |
| Ducky: He didn't have the plague. HE didn't have the plague! Palmer: He didn't have the plague. Ducky: He didn't have the **** plague! McGee: You read my mind, boss. Tony: It's an easy read. Jeanne: I don't understand what's happening. Tony that was your car. Your car. Your car that just...it could have been you. It should of been you. Tony: Tell me, tell me that you love me. Tell me. Jeanne: I do, it's just everything that's happened. Rene: (In the background on the phone) Ecoutez moi! Jeanne: What happened today, last night, the way you handled things, the gun. The gun, firing it the way you did, and now this? It's like you're someone else Tony. Someone else. Someone I don't know. What is it? You are, aren't you. Aren't you? Someone else. Who? Who are you? Tony: I'm a federal agent. My name isn't Tony DiNardo. It's Anthony DiNozzo, and I work for the Naval Criminal Investigative Service. Jeanne: This has all been a lie. A lie. Tony: Jeanne, listen to me. Not all of it. Not everything. Just some things, not the important things. Jeanne: Why? Just tell me why it is you do this. What it is I'm supposed to have done? Tell me. Tell me! Tony: It's not you. Jeanne: What? What? Tony: You should ask him. Tony: What? No balloons? McGee:(answering Ziva's demand that he disclose what he is doing in the office at 7am on Saturday, which McGee doesn't want to answer...): But since my parents raised a gentleman and yours raised a killer, I will tell you that I was defragging my computer all night. McGee: (after learning that Tony's cover was being a professor) No wonder his cover was blown. Whose bright idea was that? Director Shepard: Mine. McGee: (to Ziva at the bomb site) Do you believe in miracles? Ziva: Not part of my training. Kort: La Grenouille flew to DC this morning, he didn't arrive in his safe house, and his satellite phone has stopped transmitting. Gibbs: Mislaid your arms dealer, that's gotta be embarrassing. Ziva: Does the Director know? Jenny: (walking in) Know what? McGee: That it’s a Saturday and we are all here on our day off... because we... love our jobs! Ziva: Teams do not have secrets Gibbs, and if you do not tell me what you and McGee were doing here all night- (Gibbs just looks at her) McGee knows he will... eventually. (Elevator doors open, showing Tony smiling inside) Tony: (To Kort, laughs) Hey! My car blew up this morning! Did you do that? Abby: Gibbs, I know who blew up Tony's car... well, not Tony's car, but his alias, and not exactly who, but more like how and why. McGee: Do you have a motive? Abby: Me no! But they do. Abby: Everybody else gave you up for dead, even Ziva. Ziva: OK, so I may have acted a little hastily. Tony: That's my letter opener. Ziva: Excellent balance and weight. The edge is a little dull, but I've always admired it. Tony: Where's my American Pie coffee mug? Abby: Palmer. Tony: Mighty Mouse stapler? Abby: Ducky... Hey, Ducky. (Ducky reaches over Tony's cubicle wall) Ducky: My dear fellow, I never believed it for a moment. Welcome home. (Ducky hands Tony the stapler) Gibbs: It's not every day people think you're dead, DiNozzo. | |
| Tony: [holding a letter] You ever lied to someone you love? Ziva: [pauses] yes. Tony: Did they ever forgive you? Ziva: They never found out | |
| (Tony headslaps McGee) McGee: What was that for? Tony: Believeing I was dead. McGee: Hey, I never believed you were dead.Ziva's the one who gave up on you. (Tony looks at her) Ziva: Don't even think abou the headslap! Gibbs: If the weapon was loaded and I wasn't here, would you have pulled the trigger? Jenny: I guess we'll never know. La Grenoullie: Love has a way of blinding us.....of our imperfections. Tony: It's still love. La Grenoullie: So, what has Jeanne told you about me? Tony: Oh, everything.....world's greatest dad. Abby: Tony is not dead, Gibbs.Not until Ducky says it's him.Until then, he's just...he's not here.I don't care what the evidence says, even if everything belongs to Tony, it's still not him until Ducky says it's him.And don't try to tell me anything different because I'm not gonna believe you.Tell me it's not him, Gibbs. (hugs Gibbs) Tell me it's not him. Gibbs: I wish I could, Abs. McGee: Tony wouldnt've carried it with him, ya know? His sheild and his id, not if he was undercover.I mean, he would've stashed it in the car.Maybe under the seat.Just because we found his id doesn't mean it's Tony. Ziva: His car, his weapon, both of his cell phones, McGee? McGee: Tony could have been following La Grenoullie. Ducky: I'm sorry to differ, Timothy, but he wasn't.Look, Tony contracted pnuemonic plauge, as I'm sure everyone can remember. Ziva: Before my time? McGee: He almost died. Ducky: From severe pnemonia.As a result his lungs would have been exstensivly scared, unlike the almost pristine lung of the man currently in autopsy.The body on which I am preforming an autopsy is not Tony's. Jenny: If it's not Tony, then who is it? Gibbs: And where is DiNozzo? (Ducky and Palmer are prefroming the autopsy: A machine beeps) Palmer: Blood tests are back. Ducky: What type? Palmer: A positive. Ducky: And Tony's? Palmer: A positive. Ducky: Yes, well, thirty-four precent of the nation's population share the same blood group so let's not go drawing any conclussions.We'll await the dental records before makeing positive identification.In the mean time, the lungs.Pentrive shrapnal damage, middle and lower left lobes.Other wise healthy tissue, non smoker, minimal scaring. Palmer: Minimal scaring. Ducky: ......Minimal scaring? Palmer: I got that, doctor. Ducky: Yes, but Mr.Palmer, how could he? Palmer: How could he what, sir? Ducky: Have minimal scaring in both lungs. Palmer: Healthy living? Ducky: Yosina Pesties. Y-pesties. Palmer: The pneumonic plague? Ducky: Yes, the plague, Mr.Palmer.This man has never had the plague.He's never had the plague! Palmer: (pointing to the body) He has never had the plague. Ducky: He never had the plague! Jenny: I buried my fahter, Jethro, I know he's nor comeing back.But Someone is going to great lengths trying to convince me he' alive. Gibbs: We've got a polygraph Monday. Jenny: Your team? Gibbs: They're targeting someone. Jenny: Me? Gibbs: So I've beem told. Jenny: I've never failed a polygraph, I'm not about to start. Gibbs: And if they ask you about your father? Jenny: He's dead. Gibbs: Any doubt, any hesitation, will raise a red flag. Jenny: Theres no doubt. Gibbs: I saw the fingerprints. Jenny: My father's dead. Gibbs: Subject displayed emotional instability suggesting delusional disbelief her father isn't dead.We just put her on medical leave or we fire her...........Operation Loadstone, you know it? Jenny: Should I? Gibbs: Black op.Focused on weapons control and arms perliferation. Jenny: Not one of ours. Gibbs: CIA. Jenny: My father's job at the pentagon was in the feild of arms control.He was under investigation for accepting a bribe when he was killed. Gibbs: Coroner said he killed himself. Jenny: He was murdered. Gibbs: Proof? Jenny: None.......I know who's responsable. Gibbs: The same guy you sent one of my agents after? Jenny: One my of my agents! A deep undercover operation, that I ran on a need to know basis! (Gibbs starts walking away) Jenny: And, Jethro, if you think I'm obssesed with La Grenoullie becauswe of what happened to my father, you're wrong. Gibbs: You might wanna skip that polygraph test Monday. Abby: That's OK. It's not the first time I've woken up on the floor. Not just this floor. Um, not that I make it a habit of passing out on floors, and not that this is a really comfortable floor, if I had to... I'm awake now. Abby: Director Shepard swore me to secrecy, when she brought those in and asked me to run them for prints, so I can't tell you. Gibbs: Any other secrets you can't tell me? Abby: No. Just that one. Because, when Director Shepard said there wasn't an AFIS match, then tried to hide the results from me, she actually didn't swear me to secrecy, so that, is not a secret. Ziva: Is everything cool with the director? Tony: Beyond cool, almost icy. Gibbs: How deep is this cover? Jenny: Deep enough to withstand the scrutiny that La Grenoullie can bring to bear. Gibbs: You better hope so. (Jenny plays the video of the explosion) Tony: That was more exciting live. Jenny: You saw it? You were there? Tony: Saw it, heard it, felt it. Jenny: You can start whenever you're ready. Tony: He was waiting when I left the hospital this morning with Jeanne, she had arranged it.It was her little surprise, I guess.Meet the parents.Part two.I hate sequals.Figured my cover was blown as soon as I saw him, turned out he had known for months. Gibbs: Kort? Tony: Probably.I tried talking my way out of it, made it as far as my car. (Flashback) (Tony's getting in his car) La Grenoullie: Hey, Tony! Tony: (muttering) Crap. La Grenoullie: There is no need to take your car.Henery will drive it.You come with Jeanne and me. Tony: Oh, that's really nice of you, I, uh, gotta go, I really.....I need to go home anc change because--- La Grenoullie: I absolutly insist, Agent DiNozzo. Tony: (handing his keys to Henrey) Careful in second, it tends to stick a little. Henrey: And your cellphone. (Tony hands him one) La Grenoullie: Both of them. (End flashback) Jenny: Did La Grenoullie tell Jeanne who you were? Tony: He didn't miss a beat.Pretended everything was fine.That didn't last long.I could see his guy driving my car a few car lengths behind us when....Kaboom. (Flashback) (Tony's car explodes) La Grenoullie: Stay down! (to the driver) Hurry! Hurry! (End flashback) Jenny: What was La Grenoullie's first reaction? Tony: That he was the target.I'm not so sure. Gibbs: You think it was you Tony? Tony: Was my car, boss.And we certainly have ticked off the agency allot lately.Well, the director and I have ticked off the agency allot lately.Although mainly me. Gibbs: For what it's worth, Kort denied Agency involvment. Tony: Mmm, that's because Kort doesn't play by agency rules.Guy's got a hair trigger. Jenny: Where did La Grenoullie take you? Tony: Well, blew away the brekfast plans.Blew away allot of things. Jenny: Jeanne? Tony: Wasn't supposed to happen like this. Jenny: You never really thought it couldn end any other way. Tony: You mean other than badly? Jenny: You're not supposed to fall in love with them. Tony: Thank you so much for that, Director, I am gonna keep that in mind for next time! Oh, wait a second, there's not gonna be a next time! Jenny: What did Jeanne say? Tony: Nothing I'm gonna tell you Jenny: Agent DiNozzo! Tony: Nothing you need to know, Director! (Gibbs looks at Tony proudly) | |
| Episode 5.02 "Family" | |
| Tony (looking at stripper with older women at 1957 class reunion): It's like Cocoon meets Dirty Dancing. I wonder if Ducky has dreams like this. I guess Gibbs isn't too far behind. (no-one responds..Tony freezes) He's standing right behind me, isn't he? Sorry about that Boss. Gibbs (whispering in Tony's ear): Gonna be your dreams, one day, too, DiNozzo. McGee: It's hard to concentrate while Tony is calling Heidi's former victims. He's very sensitive to the word liar these days. McGee: (To Abby who is guzzling Caf-Pow) Thought you quit Abby: McGee, there is a baby missing that might need medical attention. I need to be at the top of my game. McGee: Well you're going to spend most of your game in the bathroom. Abby: I already thought of that. I'm upping my salt intake to increase my body's water retention (Abby munches salted snacks from overlarge bag) McGee: Of course you are... Abby: So what do you have for Gibbs? McGee: Nothing. (sighs) Why is he on his way down here? Gibbs: No. He's here. Abby: And he's talking about himself in the third person. I like it. Gibbs: Ducky says you have something Abby: Dont'cha wanna see what McGee has first? Gibbs: I came to see you Abby: Abby was able to recover amniotic fluid from the dead woman's clothing Gibbs: You got the baby's DNA (they discuss the possible father) Abby: Abby already ruled him out, not the same blood type Gibbs: Good work, Abby! (they both look at McGee, who looks pained) McGee: McGee is going through (describes his work and results) (Gibbs and McGee leave.) Abby: (Abby empties a Caf-pow container, pauses and declares): Abby has to pee. (Tony comes in all wet) Gibbs: Went swimming, DiNozzo? Tony: sprinkler system. Tony (in the background, on phone to a victim of Heidi, the dead woman): ....Come on that's not what I'm saying... McGee to Gibbs (sotto voice): Boss, since we've got a pretty strong lead here, can Tony stop phoning Heidi's other marks looking for suspects? Tony (in background) I'm just really saying that just because she was lying to you, doesn't mean that she didn't really love you. (winces as person slams down phone at other end.) ...hello? (Slams down his phone. Sighs. Starts phoning next one. Looks up to see McGee, Gibbs and Ziva watching him) What?! Gibbs to McGee: Let him call a few more. (Ziva is wondering why the parents would kill to get the baby back, they would have other options.) Gibbs: I'm not a lawyer Ziva: But you were a parent Gibbs: (pauses) You wanna have children, Ziva? Ziva (splutters, guppy-style) Well.. Gibbs: Its a simple question Ziva: I do not have a simple answer Gibbs: Once you have kids, you'll understand. Tony to McGee (who is geek speaking): Pretend you're talking to a person who actually has sex with other humans. McGee: What was it like? Tony: Sex? Losing your virginity? It was good. McGee: Pretending to be someone else? Tony: I wouldn't know, Elf Lord. (McGee speaks more geek speak.) Gibbs (exasperated): I'm beginning to think you can't help yourself, McGee. Ziva follows Tony into the men's loo. Tony to Ziva: If this is a pep talk, I give you a D minus. Tony: These are called feelings, Ziva Ziva: Feelings you need to let go Tony: That easy huh? Ziva: Tony, even if by some miracle Jeanne did forgive you, would you be willing to be Tony DiNardo full-time? To leave your entire life behind for her? You didn't think this through. Tony: Didn't you tell me that the heart wants what it wants? Ziva: No, actually I didn't. Tony: Well it does Ziva: Well it shouldn't. Tony: Really? This coming from the woman who fell in love with the dead man walking? (Ziva gives him the evil eye and yanks up his fly, hard) Ziva: You crossed the line, Tony. (she stalks out of the men's room) Tony: (incredulous) Oh!? I crossed the line? | |
| Tony: Okay, I'm on my way. Gibbs: You got something DiNozzo? Tony: Yeah, dentist appointment. No....ha....this is for real, guys, I....remember I chipped my tooth and I got that, uh...I sent you an email, for a leave request like two days ago about this. You don't check your email. Never mind. (Tony answers his phone) Very Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo, boy who cried wolf and who must now suffer from periodontal disease from it. How may I help you? | |
| Ziva: Gibbs does not accept apologies. But I do. Tony: I'm sorry, Ziva, I know you were trying to help. Ziva: Did I? Tony: Um, I'll get back to you. | |
| Ziva: Tony, even if by some miracle Jeanne did forgive you, would you be willing to be Tony DiNardo full-time; to leave your entire life for her? Abby: The prints were made by a residue of polysaccharide dust derived from beta-glucose.What makes it interesting, is the backbone D-xylophranose, linked with eith xylose units......panda poop. Gibbs: Panda.....? Abby: Poop.Which is why it fluoresces, like all other poop does.What makes it really, really interesting....is the sodium hydrochloride: a.k.a Chlorine bleach...........I lost you at 'poop', huh? Gibbs: Uh, huh. Abby: So, what do you have for Gibbs? McGee: Nothing, why? Is he on his way down here? Gibbs (walking in): Nope, he's here. Abby: And he's talking about himself in the third person.I like it! Nicholas: Am I in trouble? Gibbs: Prosecution's gonna call it attempted murder.Your lawyer's gonna call it self defense. Nicholas: What do you call it? Gibbs: Family. McGee: (holds up keyboard with his finger's superglued fast) Boss, Tony.... Gibbs: I know. (hands McGee polish remover) Are you ever gonna learn, McGee? Ziva: It was a simple question, McGee. McGee: Yeah, one I would expect from Tony, not you. Ziva: I'm just being curious. McGee: About when I lost my virginity. Ziva: No, you misunderstood.I'm not asking when you lost your virginity, but if you lost it. Tony: Didn't you tell me the heart wants what the heart wants? Ziva: No.Actually I didn't. Tony: Well, it does. Ziva: Well, it shouldn't. (team walks into the lab and Abby is doing jumping jacks) Abby: Hi, Gibbs! McGee: Abby, I think you gotta lay of the caffeine again. Abby: Well, maybe I need a little more, McGee! Ever think of that? Baby missing! McGee: Alright I think I know what happened here. Tony: Twenty bucks says McGee's about to say something nobody can understand again! McGee: The GPS corfinates came bundled in a proprietary packet.Since it was a beta, I thought...... Gibbs: I'm starting to think you can't help yourself, McGee. Gibbs: Do I need to send you two back to the men's room? Tony: Hey, she followed me in there! Ziva: Only because you woulnd't talk to me! (Gibbs stares at him) Tony: Shutting up, boss. Tony: You know I saw this on Cinemax once. Ziva: So what happens now? Tony: They play some funky music and then you say, "I''ve been watching you from afar". Ziva: Well, I have been watching you from afar, Tony.Which is why I know how much you care for Jeanne. Tony: Ahhhh, your timing is impeccable, Ziva. Ziva: And how much it hurt when she left..........So, what happens now? | |
| Episode 5.03 "Ex. File" | |
| Tony: Uh oh...train wreck. I want to look away but I can't. (McGee, having found the vital evidence in the nick of time, watches Abby punch the honey-tongued villain on the nose.) McGee: Sweet. Tony: (Looking at Stephanie and Mann) Who's cuter? Ex-wife number 3 or future ex-wife number 4? Abby: These things hold over 145GB of music. That's over 45 000 songs, Gibbs. Gibbs: I only listen to 5. Abby: 5000? Gibbs: No five. Abby: Oh Gibbs really need to broaden your horizons. I can download some of my songs like Flesh Eating Foundation, Suicide Commando, and Green Satan. Gibbs (after receiving a phone call): Dead marine Abby: Never heard of it Rinnert: If I weren't so irrationally confident, I'd be afraid of you. Abby: Oh please. Abby: Gibbs, can I hit him? Gibbs: No. Ducky: To whom do I report? Gibbs: Her. Mann: Me. Tony: Better get used to that. (Mann gives him a look.) Spear guns. Very cool. Thunderball. Very James Bond... Boss. Ma'am. Colonel. Mann: We have a little issue. Jenny: We? Mann: You wanna tell her, Agent Gibbs? Gibbs: No, not particularly. Jenny: Is this issue going to involve lawyers? Mann: It already did. It's his ex-wife. She's a material witness. Jenny: And which ex would that be? Gibbs: Stephanie. Jenny: What number is she again? Second? Gibbs: Third. Jenny: Oh, right. You lived in Europe with her for a while. Frankfurt. Gibbs: Moscow. Jenny: Two years? Gibbs: One. Jenny: Well, it's hard to live in Moscow... with anyone. Jenny: Do you think he should divorce himself from this case, Col. Mann? Mann: No, no no... Jenny: Nor do I, I don't see a problem if you conduct the interview. Do you have a problem with Col. Mann interviewing your ex-wife, Agent Gibbs? Gibbs: Do I have a choice? Jenny and Mann (Together): No. Mann: Tony, review the witnesses statements. Tony: Yes, Boss. Ma'am. (salutes) Colonel. Abby: I work like 16 hour days. Rinnert: Wow! That's like... two eight hour days stuck together! Mann: Bring her in for another interview. (Tony and Ziva start to leave) Gibbs: Wait. (they stop) Mann: I said bring her in! Gibbs: And I said wait! Tony: This never turns out well for the kids. | |
| Tony: Crash and burn, only a matter of time. Ziva: What? Tony: Not a what. A whom. Colonel Mann, Gibbs. Army/Navy joint operation. Ziva: Could last a lifetime. Tony: Behind the torture techniques and the contract killings, you're really just a... Ziva: A whom? Tony: Whom? Not a whom, it's more, it's a what. Ziva: A what, then? Tony: What then? Uh... what? What... Ziva: I'm still just a what? Rinnert: A girl. [they both stop and look at him] Mann: How long have we been together? Gibbs:.....Weeks. Mann: Months! Gibbs:....Which means many weeks. Ducky: Only the dead know the true meaning of patience, Timothy....No more places to go, people to see.....except me of course. Jenny: Colonel, I was just re-assuring Gibbs'.....your witness that Agent Gibbs could separate himself from the personal aspects of this investigation. Mann: Well, I'll monitor him, closely, director. Jenny: I'm sure you will. (Gibbs gives them all a look) Stehpanie: Is that the look you were talking about? Jenny: Yeah, that's it. Mann: Hmm, yeah, we've all seen that. Gibbs: Stephanie Broadman Flynn? Sweigart: Yeah. Mann: You know her? Gibbs: Un-huh.I was married to her. Mann: Dr.Mallard.You got anything? Ducky: You do realise I arrived about a minute ago.The dead speak to me, Colonel but give the man time to catch his breath, so to speak. Ducky: You know, a man's heart often tells us how he lived.Sometimes, it might even tell us how he died.But contrary to popular myth, it never tells us how he loved. | |
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| Episode 5.04 "Identity Crisis" | |
| Abby: Of course, mercury is toxic. So you shouldn't let kids break open thermometers and play with it. Gibbs: Speaking from personal experience, Abs? McGee: Actually explains a lot. Tony: Looks like a nice place doesn't it honey? McGee: (through the ear piece) Sure does sweet cheeks! Krieger: Ziva, can I ask you a question? (Ziva turns) Isn't it hard being the only woman on the team? Ziva: No. (starts to walk away) Krieger: God I wish I had your confidence! Ziva: (turns back) Well, it comes from experience. Krieger: The way I'm going that's something I'll never get. Ziva: Look Courtney, they obviously saw something valuable in you, otherwise you would not have made it this far. Krieger: Thank you Ziva: But, stop trying to be perfect! You will mess up and occasionally you will take a beating. Krieger: Then what? Ziva: You get back on the horse! Abby: This, is why I love you guys. You bring me hair, you bring me blood, you bring me fluids, and you bring me mercury! Predictable, yet constantly surprising! Gibbs: We try. Gibbs: Check out the brunette at the table. Tony: Good find boss! I'll tell you, my radar is totally shot. She's smoking! ..that's not what you meant.. you were suggesting that she seems interested in our investigation. A little too interested and I should question her... not a problem! Ducky: I hope your opinion of me doesn't waver after I've given this fellow a piece of my mind. Gibbs: Never! Ducky: I warn you... this might get ugly! (The team watches the FBI on the screen in MTAC) Tony: An NCIS production. Brought to you by Leroy Jethro Gibbs. Starring as usual the FBI and the elusive Kamal Konkani. McGee: Ziva, no hair pulling. McGee: Tony I think it's time you get back on that horse. Ziva: Are you getting a pony? Tony: It's an adage. Ziva: I'm not familiar with that breed. Tony: (slight pause) Yeah, well they are quite rare, it's sort of a cross between a Pegasus and a unicorn. Tony: Tell me you aren't looking for a man for Ziva. Ziva: Not for me. Tony: Something you want to tell me, McGoo? Fornell:The world's on my shoulders,Gibbs. Gibbs:World made of paper. | |
| Tony: Do people really like boats that much? Gibbs: You work for the Navy, DiNozzo. Tony: Eraser! McGee: What movie is that from? Tony: (gives him a look) I don't know ... Flashdance. | |
| Ziva: Did you get her number? Tony: Who courtney? No. Ziva: I did, she wants to learn how to fight. (Gibbs and Tony stare at her) (the team all stands up) Gibbs: Sit! (the sit down) Stay! (walks off, smirking) Roll over. Ziva: It is very clear what you would like to have against her. Tony: Excuse me. Ziva: You want to sleep with her. Tony: I... well, so what if I do? Ziva: Same old Tony. I thought the new Tony wanted something more.. a real relationship. Tony: I was pretending to be someone else! Ziva: Well, you could've fooled me. I thought you had grown. Tony: I'm not particularly interested in outgrowing sex. Ziva: Sure it would be nice Tony, but it would be meaningless, empty; it would be wrong for you! She's a pretty girl, but she's just a girl! The man you were becoming needs a woman! Or at least I thought he did. (she leaves and Tony stares after her) Fornell: (to Tony as he's walking by) Can you believe that?! An email! | |
| Episode 5.05 "Leap of Faith" | |
| Tony (after McGee rescues him from falling off a building): I love you, McGee. I promise never to give you a hard time again. McGee: Yeah..right (Abby walks into the deserted squad room with evidence. She sits down at Gibbs desk and puts on his glasses) Abby (pretending to be an angry Gibbs): I heard that DiNozzo, another wise butt comment like that and I'll smack you so hard your grandchildren will feel it. Think it's funny McGee? Wipe that smile off your face. That goes for you too, David. (picks up Gibbs phone) Special Agent Gibbs! (Abby takes off glasses as she realizes Gibbs is behind her) You're standing behind me aren't you? Gibbs: Yep. (Abby puts the phone down) You feeling secure about your job, are you Abs? Abby: Umm, not so much anymore. Interpol officer (about villain) She's a gifted linguist. Educated in England, was secretly trained in weapons, martial arts and covert operations. Tony: Ziva, she's you! Gibbs: He was married to the mole. Tony: Probie! This is not how I want it to end! Abby: I can't believe you would say that to me Gibbs? How could you think that I would be leaving? Because I got a little mad? So what?! We're family, that's allowed. I get three or four job offers every year. I have never considered any of them." Tony: Then why did you have dinner with that headhunter? Abby: Have you ever had the Beluga Caviar at the Ritz Carlton? Nikki: Oh God yeah... Abby: Besides, it was nice to feel wanted. Ducky: I'm fast, but I'm not that fast. Gibbs: (whistles sharply) Break up the dog pile. This is a murder investigation. McGee: Oh that's a long way up. Tony: It's a long way down. (After Abby yells at the team, they are in the elevator, and Abby shouts after them) Abby: DiNozzo get back in here! Tony: Anybody wanna come with me? (McGee pushes him forward) McGee: You've never been to a therapist before? Tony: Me? No. You? McGee: Yeah. Once when I was young. Tony: For your agrophobia? McGee: You're blowing that all outta proportion, Tony. Tony: Well, you showed a pathological fear of heights earlier today. McGee: I was staring down ten stories, being a little disoriented, it's a little understandable. Tony: Disoriented? You had your panties in a twist, tears in your eyes. Oh wait, I couldn't see your eyes, cause they were shut so tight. You were hysterical like a little girl. McGee: I was not. Tony: You were hugging the ladder. Ladder hugger. And I've got the photographic evidence. (Tony pulls out his phone, on which he had recorded McGee from earlier) Tony: Let technology show you the truth. McGee: My eyes are not closed. I was blinking. Tony: Oh. Oh is that what you're doing? Let's let the people decide. McGee: You're not gonna post that on YouTube. Tony: Might. McGee: You give me that thing or I'm gonna... (The two of them scuffle, as McGee tries to get the phone from Tony) Therapist: Hey, hey, hey.You two have deeer issues then we discussed on the phone. Tony: On the phone? Therapist: Aren't you the couple who called about marrige counseling? McGee: Couple? Us? No, no, we..... Tony: It's all right.Timmy, Timmy ---- we're in a safe place.We can be ourselves here. (McGee pushes himself away form Tony) Tony: We just got back from Vermont.It's pretty this time of year. McGee: (pulls out badge) NCIS.Special Agents McGee and DiNozzo. Tony: Very special agents. Tony: Color back, now that you're on terra firma there, Probalicious? McGee: I would'a done it! Tony: Only, ah, you didn't. Ziva (talking about Tony): I think he's more afraid of heights then you are. Tony: Please, I rock climbed! Ziva (Laughing): Yeah, twenty feet, with a harness, to impress a girl. Tony: Well, it worked. | |
| Jardine: Abby, please.All I'm asking id for you to take another look at the hard drive on Arnett's computer. Abby: It's wiped clean. Jardine: Well, maybe you can find an embeded file.Anything. Abby: I can't, okay? I am too busy.Why don't you ask McGee to do it? Because Mr.MIT claims he's better at this stuff anyway. (Jardine pauses a moment and then starts taking a bunch of rubber gloves.Abby looks at her) Jardine: May I take a couple of these. Abby: Sure.Knock yourself out. McGee: (entering) Abs.... Jardine: McGee, I need your help. McGee: (to Abby) I got Dr.Flemming's fingerprints on this water bottle and I need you to compare it to the prints we lifted from Arnett's apartment. Abby: Take a number, McGee, because Tony has me running DNA of this toothbrush with an entire data of felons. McGee: It'll only take a minute. Jardine: I asked first. Tony: (entering) No, I did.I've got senior---- (Abby whistles loudly) Abby: Back off all of you! I am one person! Gibbs: (entering) Woah, easy, Abs. Abby: No.It's late, I am tired, I am overworked, and I am taken for granted. Gibbs: Maybe you should accpet that job offer. (Abby looks at him incredously and then reachs over and headslaps Tony) Tony: Oh! Abby: I can't believe you'd say that to me, Gibbs.How could you think that I'd be leaving.'Cause I got a little mad? We're family.That's allowed.I get three or four job offers every year and I've never considered any of 'em. Tony: Then why'd you have dinner with that head hunter? Abby: Have you ever had the Beluga Caviar at the Ritz Carlton? Jardine: Oh, yes. Abby: And besideds, it was nice to feel wanted.Now get out of here all of you, I have work to do. (as their leaving Gibbs headslaps Tony) Tony: Oh! What was that for? Gibbs: Spreading rumors. Tony: Thank you, boss. (they get in the elevator) Abby: DiNozzo! Get back in here! Tony: Anyone wanna come with me? (McGee shoves him out of the elevator) | |
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| Episode 5.06 "Chimera" | |
| Ziva: Don't you have any paperwork to do, Dinozzo? Tony: What do you think I'm doing? I take the paper and make it work. Jenny: Great. Show it to me. Commander: How exactly do you propose I do that? Jenny: There must be a plane or two you could scramble over head. Commander: I think you’re going to have to trust me, Director. Jenny: I don’t know you well enough, commander. Commander: We can fix that. Jenny: You can cut the charm. (sits up in chair) Higher ranking, richer, and definitely better-looking men have tried that on me and didn’t get very far. Now I can't speak for you, Commander, but I didn’t get where I am because of my looks. So get your eyes off me and put some on that ship! Tony: Definitely didn't picture my demise like this! I always figured I'd go out like in white heat. Fiery explosion. Or Redford and in Butch Cassidy- hail of bullets! Gibbs: Or Charlie Chaplin in the Gold Rush. Tony: How did he die? Gibbs: Silently McGee: I'm dealing with my boat-phobia, Tony's dealing with his rat-phobia, and Ziva's dealing with her ghost-phobia. Abby: So, what's Gibbs dealing with? Gibbs: Them. McGee: (to Abby) Can I take a braincheck? Tony: I'm gonna die Commander: Satisfied, Director? Jenny: I’m not that easy, Commander Commander: I’m not surprised. (They are watching ship approach the Chimera in MTAC) Jenny: Can we get any closer? Commander: I am sure we can. (Walks towards Jenny and she rolls her eyes in disgust) Tony: (about dead rat) Stinky Stinky. Yes, Alex, Horror Films that take place on ships for 200. (lights go out) Oh goodie. Double Jeopardy. Tony: Oh goody, double jeopardy. McGee: Oh jeez. Ducky: Oh dear. Jenny: Oh crap. McGee: Abby. Abby. Abby! Abby: McGee, you shouldn’t sneak up on people like that. McGee: What the hell is that noise? Abby: Brain Matter. McGee: I love them. Tony: (singing) Baa Baa black ship have you any wool? Yes sir. Yes sir, but in order to see it you're going to need top secret government clearance. McGee: Every room is empty. Ziva: It's like the entire crew disappeared. Tony: Welcome aboard the U.S. N.S. Houdini. (team hears a noise above them.) McGee: Could be a rat. Ziva: Would have to be an awfully big one. Tony: Or a ghost. Gibbs: Are you done? Tony: Done... searching the ship? We could always search it again. Abby: Of course, blood that's passed through so much GI tract has very a particular smell. (Tony takes a big whiff) But since this guy may have died from a highly contagious virus, whatever you do, don't inhale it. Tony: We're not good. Gibbs: Hey, you okay, DiNozzo? Tony: Not for long. Tony: Abby, where's the gas chromata-thinga? Abby: It's the box looking thing, with the circular door-like thing on the front. Ducky: You were right, Ziva. There is someone on board. Ziva: Not him. There's someone alive. I can feel it. Tony: A lion-headed dragon goat? Ziva: Maybe. Ziva: How did they know that we were off the ship? Gibbs: I don't think they did. Tony: Steady probie. McGee: Tell that to my stomach. (Tony bends down to height of McGee's stomach) Tony: Steady probie's stomach. Tony: Well, this moment's perfect, all we need now is a storm (Ship suddenly lurches). | |
| McGee: So, pirates that weren't really pirates, were actually Russian sailors, were on a covert mission to steal a Navy research ship that wasn't a actually a Navy research ship in order to get back nuclear weapons that we thought they didn't think we had retreived? Gibbs: (smiling) Uh, huh. McGee: Okay. Tony: Feel my head. McGee: Why? Tony: Just feel it. McGee: I don't to, it's all sweaty. Tony: Exactly.I've got the fever.I'm burning up, man. McGee:The ventilation is off, Tony.We're all burning up. Tony: This is different.I'm dying McGee. McGee: You know, the last time you were dying of a horrible disease, you were a little but more stoic about the whole thing. Tony: I was younger then.Carefree. McGee: It was two years ago. Tony: The last time I almost died, someone blew-up my car.So, I've almost died twice now, and this is the thrid time, and bad things happen in three's, and I'm out of all-mosts. (McGee looks at him) Tony: I'm telling you man, this time I'm dying.I know it. McGee: Okay.But, until you are actually dead can you please help me fix this thing? Tony: Yeah. Ziva: Someone or something is on the ship, with us. I can feel it. McGee: (peering over DiNozzo's shoulder) Uh, yeah, I can see it. (Tony turns and sees a large rat.He jumps back in fright) McGee: (smiling) Scared much, DiNozzo? Tony: Stuff it in McBarfbag. Ziva: It's just a cute, little rat. Why the irrational fear? Tony: It's not cute. It's not little. And it's not irrational. Ziva: Cowardly, then. Tony: Not if you're, uh, someone who survived a bout of pneumonic plague. Thank you very much. Rats are a known carrier. I used to love rats, back before the plague. Was a regular 'Willard.' Ziva: What is a 'Willard?' McGee: It's a movie. Ziva: Mmm. Tony: Willard had a pet rat named Ben, was a social misfit, made fun of by his coworkers, had a creepy boss. Ziva: No wonder you're related. Tony: You think Gibbs is creepy? McGee: She meant the social misfit, made fun of part. Gibbs: [to the Director] We're still running tests. Don't know right now. [Ducky Enters] Ducky: Yes we do. My initial diagnosis of asphixia was incorrect, I'm afraid. It looks as if Takada died from viral hemorrhagic fever to which, by now, we have all been exposed. Gibbs: We can't leave the ship? Ducky: That's not a problem, Jethro. If my diagnosis is correct, we'll all be dead by morning. Tony: So you think they named this ship the Chimera because there's a monster on board? Ziva: They did not name it the Puppy! Tony: Just the cook? Yeah, that's what Steven Seagal said in Under Siege, and look at the havoc he wreaked, huh? What about the Hunt for Red October? The saboteur was the cook. (Gibbs looks at him) I'm sorry, boss.I'm just saying that, you know, just becuase he says he's the cook, doesn't mean he's isn't potentially guilty.He could have slipped poison into Takada's food. Ziva: So this is the highyl sophisticated top secret ship? Tony: Looks more like an old tramp steamer.I suppose they were trying to look inconspicous, hoping ot be left alone. McGee: Can it get any more alone than this? Tony: Oh, I get it, boss.It's a black ship. Ziva: Black sheep. Tony: No.They don't exist. Ziva: Oh, I've seen black sheep. Tony: No.I said black ship not sheep.Clearly the U.S. Navy is still intent on pulling the wool over the eyes of the American people. Tony: You ever see Run Silent, Run Deep? Gibbs: The run silent part sounds good. Ducky: Where's my blood analysis, DiNozzo? Tony: I'm working on it, Ducky.It may be the last thing I do. Ducky: Let's hope not. McGee: And, ah, I...I've got.... Abby: (shows McGee her spikedwrist band) Some people wear these spikey things just for show.I don't. McGee: I've got nothing better to do than, than to see.... Gibbs: A dead body, McGee? McGee: You read my mind, boss. Tony: It's a quick read. | |
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| Episode 5.07 "Requiem" | |
| Tony: (looking at Gibbs' unconscious form) Oh God, don't make me kiss you boss! Tony: Calling Gibbs? Ziva: He did not pick up. Tony: Worried about him? Ziva: Are you? Tony: You be worried about him. I'll be tentatively troubled, privately perturbed, fleetingly flustered. Ziva: Have you called him? Tony: I would have to be deeply discombobulated to even think of calling him. Tony: This is ground control to Major McThom. This is ground control to Major Thom. Is anybody out there? McGee: What? Tony: Oh. I was just checking. You've been staring into space for the last hour. Even on the McGeekle scale that is cause for concern. Tony: Okay. McTim you win. What are we looking at? McGee: What do you see? Tony: It's an iceberg and we're headed right for it! McGee: More like the 4 million dollar tip of an 8 billion dollar iceberg. Tony: Soldier of fortune is about to become a soldier of misfortune. Ziva: The dogs of war are about to taste the hair of the dogs. Abby: Okay. I need all of you to get out of my lab. Let me do my thing. I have all of these samples to test, and Major mass spec is going to blow up in protest if I don't blow up first. (Silence and then Abby looks around autopsy) Sorry. This isn't my lab. I'm going to go. McGee (to Gibbs): Boss, there's a young lady here to see you. I sent her to the lounge. Gibbs: About? McGee: 22...23 (Gibbs gives McGee a questioning look) I mean it's personal, she wouldn't say. McGee: Reads Gibbs like a book. Tony: Short read, not a lot of dialogue. Ziva: Your kind of book. Tony: Are you suggesting I don't read? McGee: Think she's suggesting that you only look at the pictures Tony. Tony: Well, a picture paints a thousand words McGee. Ziva: And in your case most are the names of female body parts. Tony: I'll have you know that since 1981 I have been a loyal subscriber to National Geographic Magazine. Some serious picture-gazing right there. McGee: So how'd she know? Ziva: Women's intuition. Tony: Do you have that? (Death glare from Ziva) Forget I asked that question. Ziva: The director could see that Gibbs was pre-occupied with something, and she saw him with the girl. McGee: Sounds more like male logic than women's intuition. Tony: Either way I think she's worried about him. McGee: Question is should we be? | |
| Jenny: You're right. He's holding something back. Then again, he's not the only one is he. You said you knew her. Gibbs: Family friend. Jenny: When? Gibbs: Long time ago. Jenny: How long? Five years? Ten years? Gibbs: 15. Are we done here? | |
| Mailman: Got a registered letter for Rudi Haas. Gibbs: I'll sign for that. Mailman:Uh-uh. I need to see some ID. (Gibbs pulls back his coat showing his guna) Mailman: I don't want to know. (hands the package to Gibbs) Jenny: (after Gibbs leaves) Tony? Tony: Director. Jenny: Any idea where he went? Tony: No. Jenny: Hazard a guess? Tony: Well he took his badge, and his gun. Maybe he's going to shoot someone. McGee: (goes to Gibbs desk) Oh boy! (holds up Gibbs' badge) Kelly: Go back, daddy......It's okay, go back.We love you, daddy. | |
| Episode 5.08 "Designated Target" | |
| Ziva: Do you see what I see? Tony: A crazy Israeli chick with impulse issues? Ziva: No. Ziva: You are xenophobic Tony: I am not Xena-phobic -- it's one of my favorite shows. Leather skirts, lesbian sword fighting, female empowerment. Maybe I'm a little Ziva-phobic. Gibbs: Does anyone have any answers? Tony: Ziva? Ziva: No! Tony: Ziva doesn't have any answers, boss! McGee: I'll see you later, Bumby Tony: Bumby?! McGee: Well, we can't all be called "probie," can we? Tony: McGee! I hit the space bar. McGee: Just push the buttons I tell you to push, monkey Tony: Love is not treating you well, my friend Abby: Abbycadabra. Abby: (To McGee regarding his new crazy girlfriend) "Love is never having to read her her Miranda rights." Tony: "I recognize that look. You've had sex and I'm guessing it was with a girl." Gibbs: Duck? Ducky: Well, this was no traffic accident. Gibbs: No kidding. Abby: Would I have you down here to watch me fail? Tony: If the Probie was probing last night, I demand details. Tony: I recognize that look. You've had sex and I'm guessing it was with a girl. McGee: No Tony: It wasn't with a girl? Abby: Love is never having to read her her Miranda rights, but she's going to do this to someone else. Throw her psycho ass in the brig. I love you McGee, that should be enough. Tony: (after being headslapped by Gibbs) You know, repeated head trauma can cause brain damage. McGee: That explains a lot! Gibbs: (examining McGee's collar) Lipstick on your collar, McGee? McGee: Ummm.... I.... ummmm... Gibbs: Good for you. (pause) Good for you..... Tim. Just don't get married. Tony: Oh look at him. Probie's all grown up having his first fight. Abby: McGee... McGee: Yeah? Abby: Do you know it's 365 steps from my lab to your desk? (she sighs) I'm trying to get my blood pumping... what's wrong with you? Tony: (pointing to his head) Is this side of my head bigger? Ziva: Yes, but so is the other side. McGee: Abby, what do I do? It's like I'm nuts for this girl you know, and she's just... nuts. Abby: She stole your heart, but she stole your money. Arrest her. Tony: Why didn't you stop me? Ziva: Too stunned. Tony: Where do I send flowers? Ziva: If you communicate with her again I will kill you. Tony: This guy is a regular cab coyote. Ziva: Is that like a wolf in sheep's clothing? McGee: A coyote is a person that exploits people who come to this country illegally. Tony (to Ziva): As opposed to outsourcing, which you are. Gibbs: Something wrong McGee? McGee: Computer glitch. Gibbs (Hits McGee's monitor): Better? McGee: Much. | |
| Abby: (about de-caf) I sleep at night! I actually eat food! It is so weird.You gotta try it! Gibbs: DiNozzo, check out the cab company. Tony: Go to, boss. (Gibbs stares) Go to, it's the new on it.New catch phrase, just came up with it.You like it? Gibbs: No.Cab company. Tony: On it, boss. Gibbs: (to Ziva) Go too! Ziva: (on the phone) No, no, no, it's not you, it's just.....Well, you know, these things run their course, and well, ah, you, you must accpet..... Tony: Personal call, David? Ziva: (covering the phone) Yes! Go away! Tony: Somebody being dumped? Ziva: Oh, how do you tell someone you no longer wish to see them? Tony: Easy. (grabs the phone) Listen dirt bag, this is Ziva's husband.I have your number now, I can find your address.If you ever try to contact her again I will reach down your throat, grab your intestines, rip them out and drive over your head! Lose this number or lose your life! (hangs up, gives it to Ziva) Your welcome. Ziva: That was Aunt Neddi, from Tel Aviv.She was trying to stop seeing her eighty-six year old, majongg partner. Tony: Why didn't you stop me? Ziva: Too stunned. Tony: Where do I send flowers? Ziva: If you communicate with her again, I will kill you! | |
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| Episode 5.09 "Lost & Found" | |
| Gibbs: You sound tired, DiNozzo. Tony: We're following Ziva, even the dogs are tired. (playing Pictionary on a whiteboard) Carson: A mansion. Palmer: (nods and draws a girl) Carson: OK... I got it... I got it... The Playboy Mansion! Palmer: A... A... Playboy...it's a school, Carson...are you sure you don't know Tony DiNozzo? Jenny: Once upon a time I would have asked you to stay and I wouldn't have taken no for an answer. Gibbs: No. Jenny: What happened, Jethro? Gibbs: You made a choice. Jenny: I had to do what was right for me. Still do. (Gibbs opens the door and walks out into the night.) Tony: This is going to suck. Ziva: Stop complaining. Tony: Sorry. No sleep tends to do that to me. Ziva: I drove Tony. You could have slept all night if you wanted. Tony: I tried but the orchestra of blaring car horns kept me awake. Ziva: We made good time. Tony: Going ninety-five miles an hour on a dirt road; I couldn't even see. Ziva: Then it's a good thing I was driving. (Both make a grab for a map) Ziva: I'm a trianed navigator, Tony. Tony: Yeah well, I got an 'A' in geography.Plus I'm senior field agent, I'm pulling rank. Ziva: I'm also a trianed assaian. Tony: We'll shoot for it. Ziva: Best two out of three. (proceed to play rock, paper, scissors.Tony wins) Tony: I'll take that! Alight, topographic, speaks my laungage.Follow me, I got it. (starts walking away) Ziva: Tony! Tony: What?! Ziva: The trail is this way. ( points to a sign that reads 'trail) Tony: (Sees McGee in his Youth Ranger uniform) Seriously Probie, I don't make enough fun of you? Ziva: I'm driving. Tony: I'm dead. Gibbs: Jazz? Jenny: His favourite. Gibbs: Ziva was right. DiNozzo. Ziva: Tony! This is no time for sight seeing. Tony: The only sight I'm seeing is your big... (Ziva glares at him) bag. Abby: Do you know what my biggest pet peeve is McGee? McGee: People who say they're vegetarians but eat chicken? Jenny: Jethro this is a case report, not a custody transfer. Gibbs: Must have grabbed the wrong folder. Jenny: Go figure. McGee: In the last 4 years we’ve made over 200 arrests thanks to AFIS finger print matches.. Abby: We? Ha. McGee: It’s a team effort. Tony: Where is the kid? McGee: Abby’s got him. Ziva: Our Abby? Tony: Alone with a minor? Abby: In the land of forensic science technology the mass spectrometer is king. McGee: Did you ever share your personal computer with someone? Abby: No McGee, that's worse than sharing your toothbrush. McGee: Because we have, just about every time you get assigned a cold case. Abby: I am not the only one that complains around here McGee. You should see yourself when your filtering through a perp's computer. Abby: You've seen everything. Carson: Not everything. Abby: Forget about the tattoos. Okay? It is not happening. Carson: Come on, not even a little peek? McGee: Oh, 1500 points. Abby: New high score. DiNozzo's reign is over. Ziva: The dead wife's mother sued him for full custody of Carson, and won. McGee: Explains why he took Carson and ran. Tony: Someone just earned their detective badge. Ziva: DC Metro's cold case files, are already en route Tony: En route? Ziva: Offered to hand deliver Tony: And you agreed?! That's one of the oldest tricks in the book, the hand delivery, Ziva. It's Metro's way of making sure they stay involved in the case Ziva: You think? Tony: Why else would they personally deliver the files? Collins: To see your pretty face, DiNozzo! Abby:(while sirens are blaring) You can turn off the siren now! Carson: What? Abby: You can turn off the siren now! Carson: What did you say? Abby: You can turn off the (sirens turn off) **** siren!!! (Silence as Ziva and Tony look at her and Carson laughs quietly) Abby: You think that's funny? Carson: Yeah. | |
| Tony: When did you realise Taylor was gone? Camper 1: Uh, this morning. Camper 2: We've been out here alone ever since. Tony: Heartbreaking. (to a camper who is rubbing sticks together, trying to start a fire) Will you stop that?! (he starts the fire with his lighter) Did you see which way he went? Camper 2: I heard a noise, middle of the night, behind us. Tony: Noise? Camper 1: Yeah, like, uh, like running. Camper 2: I took a look to check it out; it was just a deer. Tony: A deer? Camper 1: Yeah, a big one. Camper 2: Big, big deer. (Tony gets up and walks over to Ziva) Ziva: (on the phone) Whatever you think is best, Director. (hangs up) Tony: The city slicker's saw something. (then in a fake excitec voice) A deer! It was a big one! | |
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| Episode 5.10 "Corporal Punishment" | |
| Tony: (purring over to mcgees desk)you know what hapend to the kitty cat who got to curious...dont make me break out my jag cause i will ziva: ( breaks open mcgees soda) straw Mcgee:no im good i got the one arm Tony:(laughing) maybe it was you mcgee, the one arm man, i thought it was one of those vets we met at the walter reed hospital Mcgee: wrong case tony tony: do we have a case, we already got the guy, what are we doing what did we miss whats happening Mcgee: i gave him painkillers (ziva has a funny look on her face) Tony: my fingers are finging (elevator dings) hoo you hear that???? Tony (in Tommy Lee Jones voice and posture): All right, listen up people. Our fugitive has been on the run for 90 minutes. Ziva: It has been 3 hours, Tony. Tony: Average foot speed over uneven ground, barring injuries, is 4 mph. Ziva: He's not on foot, he's in a car! Tony: What I need from each and every one of you is a hard target search of every gas station, residence, warehouse, farmhouse, hen house, outhouse and doghouse in the area. Our fugitive has a name and it is... Gibbs: Corporal Damon Werth. McGee (to Tony): The Tommy Lee Jones speech? Every time we have a fugitive? Tony squirms but looks unrepentant. PR Man: This could be a PR disaster. Gibbs: It's always my primary concern. Ziva (to Tony): Do any of your ideas come from reality? Tony: Sure. It's just not your reality. McGee: Maybe he was accused of a crime he didn't commit and is trying to promptly escape to the Los Angeles underground. Tony: He is not the A-team, McGee. Gibbs exits conference room to find Tony waiting to tell him info. Tony: Oh, hey boss. McGee managed to ...blah, blah, blah computer geek stuff.. and he figured out that the video feed was being accessed from a public site a few blocks from the garage... Gibbs: Where he watched us. Tony: Yeah, that is exactly true. Last files accessed on de la Casa's laptop were... Gibbs: Patient logs. Tony: (looks up, astonished.) Yeah, three names in particular. Gibbs: Whitney, Stone and Heatherton Tony: puffs out breath.."Whoaaa..that's kinda creepy. Wait, howdya...? (looks at the back of the folder) Ducky (following around as Gibbs marches through the HQ. Ducky briefing Gibbs on the history of the first recognition of post traumatic stress disorder): A dam gave way during a heavy rainstorm. Psychologists descended upon the ruined valley to identify the common malady that afflicted the survivors. Gibbs: Nightmares, insomnia, paranoia, depression, memory loss. Ducky: You know the symptoms well. Gibbs: What seems to be the problem, marine? Werth keeps quiet. Gibbs: WHAT SEEMS TO BE THE PROBLEM, MARINE!!!? Werth: I want to kill someone sir!! Gibbs: Make sure he's presentable for your photo opt? HR Aide: The man is entitled to his medal. Gibbs: All you care about is selling the war. HR Aide: You don't support the war? Gibbs: I support the men fighting it. Tony: What were you having feelings about? You just said you were having feelings. Ziva: I said I have feelings, not that I am having feelings. McGee: That is a pretty sophisticated grammatical differentiation. Tony: Don't change the subject with your big words McNerd. Abby: Oh Tony, I'm so glad you... (Abby steps away from Tony, wincing at the smell) smell like garbage. Tony: Yeah. I know. I was going through Karen Sutherland's trash. Ziva: Find anything? Tony: She recycles, and composts... Who composts! Tony: You know what happened to the kitty cat who got to curious? Don't make me break out my Jack cause I will. Ziva: (after opening McGee's drink for him) Straw? McGee: No I'm good. I got the one arm. Tony: Maybe it was you McGee. The one-armed man. Thought it was one of those vets we met at the Walter Reed Hospital. McGee: Wrong case Tony. Tony: We even have a case? We already got the guy. What are we doing? What did we miss? What's happening? McGee: (to Ziva) They gave him painkillers. Ziva: Oh. Tony: My fingers are tingling. Hmm. (Elevator door dings) Ooo. You hear that? McGee: You know that's how Houdini died. Tony: Ziva, did you kill Houdini? Ziva: It is possible. I do not remember all their names. Sutherland: You could have just asked nicely. Gibbs: This is nicely! McGee: No one expresses themself the way Abby does...Themself? Themselves? Themself? Tony: He's pulling a pulp fiction McGee: On the Hulk McGee (to Abby): Some of these experiments are more “fi” than “sci.” | |
| Tony: I've been working on my six-pack, you know..abs? Ziva: You and abby have been drinking? | |
| Tony: (about Gibbs) In case you were wondering, he doesn't really care about the medals. I keep his in a drawer. Tony: Don't change the subject with your big words, McNerd. Ziva says she had a feeling. Tell us about this feeling. What was this feeling? Ziva: I felt... overwhelmed. Temporarily. When we were wrestling with Corporal Werth. (Tony and McGee look at each other) Ziva: What? What is this look? McGee: Nothing. Tony:...You like him. Ziva: I thought he was powerful McGee: You really liked him Ziva: I am trying to describe something... complicated. Tony: It's not complicated, Ziva. It's Conan. McGee: To her Red Sonja. Tony: Nice. Ziva: It only lasted a moment. Tony: You had a moment. A moment and a feeling. And a smack to the head. Gibbs: (entering) Escaped mental patient. McGee: (looking at Tony) Exactly what I'm thinking, boss. Jenkins: You're done in here, already. Tony: Yeah, don't need to look in the one place we know he isn't. Abby: These people have read way too many sci-fi comics. McGee: Some of these experiments are more fi than sci. One of them makes people glow in the dark. Vincent: (noticing Gibbs enter while talking on the phone with his boss) Oh, no. Uh, nothing, sir. I'm losing you. Sunspots, x-rays, tunnel. Ziva: I want to see him. Casa: He's under heavy sedation. He's fine. Gibbs: She asked to see the patient. McGee: Probably not a good idea to stand in her way. Tony: Wow. McGee: What? No funny movie reverence? Tony: It's not funny. Tony: (about his abs) Hard as wood. McGee: To match your head. | |
| Episode 5.11 "Tribes" | |
| Langer (to Gibbs): Sorry about our inconvenient convergence here. Gibbs: Our what? Langer hands over money to him, ruefully. Tells Jenny that Gibbs used to fine him for every three dollar word he used. Jenny: How much? Langer: (looking incredulous) Er, three dollars. Gibbs: You owe me six. Tony: Hell, the fall will probably kill ya. Ziva: Butch Cassidy and the Sunrise Kid. Gibbs: (not seeing Abby as he walks into the lab) Abby? Abby: (kneeling on floor, is startled, lifts her head and hits it on the open door of the mass spectrometer) Ow! you scared the hell out of me! (pause) Sir" (She stands, lifting her microscope glasses) Gibbs: You lose something? Abby: Nay! Does a baby change its own diapers? Does it burp and feed itself? It takes a lot of TLC to keep my children (the equipment) happy and fully functioning in the lab of Abby or 'Labby' as I like to call it. (Whispers to the mass spectrometer) You're my favorite. Gibbs: Labby? Tony: Am I the only normal one here? Gibbs: No! Tony: "Morning Boss! (On the phone with McGee) Tony: Go MaGoo! Tony: (pointing at McGee's enormous coffee mug) Good morning, Probie Pan. Where did you pick that up? Neverland? Tony: Nobody likes a know-it-all. McGee: Gibbs does. McGee: I'll flip you for it. Ziva: If I flip you, you'll get hurt. Tony: (about Agent Langer as he walks away) What an ass! Ziva: (admiringly) Yes, indeed! Tony: You're Langer leering. You're leering a Langer. Ziva: Very good, Tony, you'd get a B in my class. Tony: I could teach your class. Ziva: Yeah right. Gibbs: You are still a pain in the ass. Langer: You know I learned from the best! McGee: Baghdad is safer than this neighborhood. | |
| Langer: Gibbs took me under his wing......and then proceeded to crush me. Ziva: I spent my summers in Haifa. Khalid: (Picks up the tea she has offered him) You make it Arab-style, huh? Strong. Ziva: I like it strong. Khalid: You like Muslims. Ziva: Yes. Khalid: May I ask why? I don’t mean to offend, I’m simply curious. Ziva: Growing up in Israel I had a friend who was Muslim. We were very close. Khalid: Are you still close? Ziva: He was killed. When I was twelve. Khalid: There’s been too much death. Ziva: I agree. Abby: The needle was really old! It was, like, from the seventies! (Gibbs looks at her) Not... that, that's.... that's not old. I mean, that's... old for a needle, sure, but... it's certainly not old for... you know... a, man. Gibbs: Get him. Tony: Got him. McGee: Good. Gibbs: (about Langer) Taught him everything he's forgotten. Gibbs: (to Abby) You're my favorite. | |
| | |
| Episode 5.12 "Stakeout" | |
| Ziva: Do you think prostitutes get bored... I mean, the same work day in, day out, day in, day out? Tony: What did I miss? Ziva: Goldilocks hooked up with Papa Bear, and they found a bed that is just right. Personally, I think she could do better. The Jack she's with is just gross. Tony: You mean John. Ziva: You know him? Tony: Oh my God... Ziva: Your goose is fried. Tony: (to Sparr) Special Agent DiNozzo. Anthony. Tony. (Sparr ignores his offer to shake hands.) Tony: Anything good tips on the case? Sparr: You're here because I didn't return your call. Tony: Oh that would've been nice, yeah. Sparr: Well when I'm in the middle of an investigation I don't return social calls. Tony: What makes you think it was social? Sparr: The way you stared at my butt the other day? Tony: Now how do you know my interest in your butt wasn't purely professional. Sparr: I've dealt with your type all my life. Tony: Really? What is my type? Sparr: Not my type. Rules don't apply to you. Can't imagine a woman wouldn't hang on your every word. Tony: Have you always lacked self-esteem? Sparr: I got a murder to solve. Haven't you got a drunken sailor to find? (Gibbs is interrogating a stoned Dennis) Sparr: Gibbs always throw softballs? Tony: I've seen him make a 300 lb. drill instructor cry. Sparr: (to Tony about Dennis) This man couldn't pick his own mother out of a line-up. Tony: (to Gibbs) Morning, Boss. (to Tim) Morning, McProbius. Gibbs: Where is DiNozzo? Ziva: He is... um... He is... He is running an errand. Jardine (To Ziva): Would Tony really do something to your food? Gibbs: Oh yes. Jardine: Ziva. Ziva: Yeah. Jardine: I don't know if I should say anything or not but I saw Tony putting something under your car. Ziva: What? When? Jardine: What, I don't know. When, this morning. Ziva: Hah, I told you... I told you he could not be trusted! (Ziva runs to her car) McGee: Was Tony really messing with her car? Jardine: No. Tony just told me to tell Ziva that when I saw her. Ziva: Do you trust DiNozzo? McGee: Point well taken. Tony: This is crazy. I'm taking photos of an empty room. Ziva: (Looking at Gibbs) I wouldn't want to be Gibbs right now. Tony: (Starring at McGee) I wouldn't want to be McGee any day. Ducky: Is the Stakeout over? Tony: I wish! It's worse than watching a five day cricket match! Ducky: Careful, young man. | |
| (McGee walks in, carrying a bag with their brekfast) Tony: Hey, moniter number two was flickering there: Fixed it. McGee: (drops the bag and walks to the window) I've seen that Beamer before. Tony: Yeah, we've seen it all before.Feels like we've been here for months doing nothing.(Opens bag and pulls container of eggs out) Com'on! I said scrambled! You haven't gotten a single order right in four days. McGee: They're eggs, eat 'em. Tony: I don't like sunny-side up.Sunny side up oozes.They're like eyes, they're looking at ya'! I bet your burritos just the way you like it. McGee: You want your eggs scrambled? (Takes the container and shakes it) They're scambled! (He walks back to the window and Tony throws the burrito at his head) | |
| Tony: (about Gibbs) I've seen him make a three hundred poud drill instructor cry. Sparr: Thanks for the call. Where is he? "Goldilocks:" Went into the hotel, acting real hinky. There's a reward, right? Tony: Yes, you get him.(points at McGee) Ducky: (Abby is spinning in circles on a stool) Abby. Abigail! What are you doing? Abby: I'm trying to change my spacial orientation. Help myself get a new perspective. Ducky: How's it working? Abby: I think I'm gonna be sick. McGee: The camera's working fine, Boss. I don't know why... I would start a sentence like that. Pullman: Sorry, Gibbs. Sec Nav wouldn't let me go. Wanted to know whose bright idea it was to use top secret radar as bait. Gibbs: That would be Gibbs, 2 B's. Gibbs: Where is DiNozzo? Ziva: He is.....um.....He is......He is running an errand. Gibbs: Never cover for me, David. Sparr: (as Tony starts under the crime scene tape) Excuse me, Excuse me, sir.Restricted crime scene. Tony: (confused) Boss? Sparr: Oh, he's one of yours? Gibbs: Oh, yeah. | |
| Episode 5.13 "Dog Tags" | |
| Jenny: Sometimes things aren't so simple Abby, sometimes you can't control the outcome. Sometimes you have to look at the reality and accept it. Abby: I can't.... I won't! | |
| Jenny: He doesn't look very good does he? (Indicating the dog Jethro) Abby: I think it's because he knows he's on death row. That would put a damper on anyone's spirit. | |
| Abby: So what? So what if I am?! You have to stand up for what you believe in. You have to stick to your guns until you make a wrong right. | |
| Abby: Jethro is fine. I'm taking up a collection for flowers. McGee: Why would I give flowers to a dog that attacked me? Abby: Maybe because dog is man's best friend or maybe because I am a forensic scientist, and I could boil you from the inside out and never leave a trace. (McGee quickly puts money in the container) | |
| (After Tony scares McGee with a dog attack video) Ziva: Finding inspiration? Tony: Whenever I can. It's my personal McMuse. McGee: When dogs attack...Very funny. Gibbs: All bark, no bite, like the rest of my team. | |
| Ducky: When was the last time you had a tetanus shot? McGee: Probably after that time Dicky Newsome and I were fighting over the galactic wand of Obi-Wan Kenobi. Tony: So...last year sometime? | |
| Tony: We gotta stop serving warrants after lunch. Ten bucks says McGee spills it on this one. | |
| McGee: That dog should have a muzzle on it Abby. Abby: Put a muzzle on yourself McGee. It's not like he shot you. | |
| Tony: If by "bullcrap" you mean your worst freakin' nightmare, then yeah, this is bullcrap! | |
| McGee: I've been bitten harder...by dogs....I love dogs. I'm a dog person, really. Erica: What kind of dog do you have? McGee: Uh....I don't, yet, but I might....will....soon...very soon. I just need to find the right girl....dog...girl dog. I want a girl dog. I do like boys, though. Gibbs: Don't ask, don't tell McGee. | |
| Gibbs: What do we got? Tony: (Watching a tape of a man eating junk food Funjuns) A sudden urge to hit the vending machines. | |
| Gibbs: Go back to Pax River and talk to the other handlers. Tony: And see if one of them barks....I know. | |
| Ziva: You do not have rabies! You're getting him worried for no good reason. Tony: She's right, McGruff. | |
| Jenny: I can sympathize with the Commander's impatience. Gibbs: Well you sympathize, I'll keep investigating. | |
| Abby: If you think I can't distinguish the fibres on your stupid jacket from the evidence on the dog, you don't know me McGee. And right now I don't want to know you! | |
| Abby: Good dog. Bad McGee! | |
| Abby: Dogs don't kill people. People kill people. McGee: People with dogs that kill people, kill people. | |
| Abby: Who would shoot this cute little dog? (Realizes it was McGee and turns to confront him) McGee: It was self defense. It was self defense! Abby: You shot that cute little dog? McGee: He's not cute and little! He's vicious and large! | |
| Tony: Unfortunately thanks to Semper Fido he's never gonna roll over. (Gibbs looks sideways at Tony). Sorry boss. Gibbs: Play dead! | |
| Ducky: Given the prevalence of bite marks, torn flesh, puncture wounds, I'd postulate that Petty Officer Hanson was the victim of a dog attack. Gibbs: Really going out on a limb there, Duck. Ducky: That assumption is further substantiated by the presence of a dog at the scene of the crime. Tony: By crikey, Dr. Mallard, I believe you've solved the case! (The team look at Tony ) Ziva: Did you wake up in the wrong bed this morning? Tony: If your question is did I wake up on the wrong side of the bed, the answer is no, but my mood did sour somewhat when I walked in and found that our chief suspect is dead! | |
| Ziva: (Referring to Erica) I guess she prefers McGee's scent. Tony: Ha! She'll eat him alive! | |
| Abby: Who's a good Jethro? Gibbs: I'm a good Jethro | |
| Tony: (referring to Ziva on the floor with her butt sticking up) Believe me, not from this angle. | |
| [McGee and dog handler come down to pick up the dog involved in case, to find Abby has locked herself and dog Jethro in her office with loud music on, ignoring them. McGee is still trying to nudge the glass door open and get her attention as dog growls] Abby: Pay no attention to them, Jethro. McGee: (sighs) Abby, open the door. (gets ignored) Jethro has to go now. . . . Abby! Abby: I can't hear you, McGee! McGee: If you can't hear me, why did you answer? Abby: (frowns, gets up to turn the music louder and face them as Jethro growls still) I'm not opening the door until Jethro is proven innocent! McGee: Abby, do not make a scene! Abby: I am in full scene mode! McGee: You can't stay in there forever. Abby: I am fully stocked on both Caff-Pow, and kibble. I'm good for at least a few days. Abby: You've been looking for a dog, Timmy. McGee: Abby, that dog tasted my blood, and I think he liked it! Guard: Can I help you? Abby: I'm looking for fleas. Guard: Fleas? Abby: All right I know I shouldn't have taken him without authorization. But time was off the essence. And besides Jethro may have uncovered an important clue! McGee: Or maybe it's another one of his victims and he's confessing. Gibbs: Or maybe it's his lunch. Ducky: Only if he's a cannibal, Jethro. [the dog barks] Ducky: [to the dog] I wasn't talking to you. | |
| Episode 5.14 "Internal Affairs" | |
| Abby: (pointing an accusing finger at the silent FBI man) You are very guarded about whether or not we are being guarded. Jenny: (to Jeanne, talking about her father, La Grenoille) He loved you. Of that, I am sure. | |
| Ziva: (being interrogated) I would hate to be misunderstood. Fornell: Does that happen often? Ziva: Once in a blue lagoon. | |
| Tony: I'm with you. Call the spirits: tell 'em to bring pizza. | |
| Fornell: You killed La Grenouille! Tony: I did what? | |
| Gibbs: (Ziva,Gibbs, Ducky and McGee are in Gibbs'basement. Gibbs hands Ziva a knife and instructing her to "take care" of some FBI agents in a car. She smiles and starts up the stairs. Gibbs smiles.) Ziva, their tires, not their throats. | |
| McGee: Backing up three years of files: the bulk of our lives are in these cables right now flying back and forth in zeros and ones. Tony: You do understand that I'm the ones and you're the zeros? | |
| Gibbs:(In Gibbs basement) Questions? McGee: Yeah, how do you get the boat out? Gibbs: Just break the bottle. | |
| Abby: This is ridiculous! We're prisoners in our own evidence lock up! Ziva: We're not prisoners. Tony: We're evidence so we're locked up. | |
| Tony: Gibbs gave you a mission. Everyone's counting on you. Just do what you do best. Abby: Dance?! Tony: Talk. | |
| Ducky: Reminds me of a time....(Gibbs stares at him)....a part of my life I will share with you later. | |
| Abby: Oh! Tarot cards! Wanna see what happens next? Tony: I am dying with anticipation. | |
| Fornell: Come on Tony, you're a better liar than that! | |
| Gibbs: Fairytale ending. Jenny: The frog is dead and the Jesters have been kicked out of the kingdom. Gibbs: The Queen is back on her throne. Jenny: You're expecting some sort of knighthood, I'm sorry to say I've misplaced my sword. Gibbs: "Long live the Queen." | |
| Abby: (Referring to Gibbs) The man is magic like dark magic. He has eyes and ears everywhere. He appears like a....(Whispers)....mist. Whenever I get a clue he just materializes. Fornell: Maybe he bugged your lab. Abby: No...(With a naughty grin)....I checked. | |
| Ziva: Be a man Tony. Tony: She accused me of murder! Ziva: Who is the bad guy? Be a man! | |
| (Ducky, Ziva and McGee are "re-enacting" La Grenouille's murder; McGee is La Grenouille.) McGee: Why do I let you shoot me in the head? | |
| Abby: There's a problem with your theory of the crime.Like, a big hole.I could drive a trusk through it.Well, I may not be able to drive a truck through it, cause I was never great with a double clutch, but a truck driver could just.....(makes a gesture) Fornell: How did you get so close to La Grenoullie's daughter? Tony: I see where you're going with this.You'd like to know a few pick-up tricks, huh? I wish I could tell ya, but kind of a family secret and I took an oath.Sorry. Gibbs: How's the case? Fornell: Falling apart, better not be here Jethro, just create more problems. | |
| Episode 5.15 "In The Zone" | |
| Tony: Jealous? What you're doing could be illegal in some states. Nikki: It should be. I think I need to wash. | |
| Tony (to Nikki): For someone who hates germs so much, you're a slob. | |
| Tony: Aw..Yeah...It's like home...if you live in an airport. | |
| Stenner: Can I just please, go to the bathroom? Gibbs: No. Stenner: Okay. Gibbs: I'm kidding, you can go. | |
| Tony: Wow. I never thought it would be possible to hurt yourself with a wet wipe. | |
| Tony: I'm guessing he's not complimenting my vest. Nikki: He seems to know your mother .....intimately. | |
| (McGee assigns barking dog sounds to Tony's keyboard) Tony: (Pressing several keys) That's very funny. Fix it! McGee: Um, you're barking up the wrong tree. | |
| Ziva: If anyone is going to go to Iraq it should be me. Nikki: It is my area of expertise, I have a lot of contacts there. Ziva: As do I. Nikki: Mine are still breathing. Ziva: As are....most of mine. | |
| Ziva: Well it would not be the first time a murderer tried to throw us up that way. McGee: Off. Throw us off. | |
| (After seeing a picture of "Jethro", McGee's dog, licking McGee) Tony: McRomeo, you should save that stuff for the bedroom. | |
| Ziva: Nikki. Nikki: Ziva. Ziva: What do you have there? Nikki: It's nothing. Ziva: Five reasons why I should be picked to go to Iraq'. Ah, you've heard the rumors too. You do know that Iraq is a war zone? Nikki, it is dirty there. Sanitation is very poor. And diseases, have you ever heard of leishmaniasis? It begins with a loud oozing sore, often in the face. And then it just.... (Ziva makes a slurping noise) Oh! I have photos, I can show you. Nikki: No! Thank you for your concern but I still really want to go. (Nikki pulls down her sleeve so she doesn't have to touch the bathroom door handle, but can't get a grip on it...) Ziva: In that case, I hope you can handle competition a lot better than you can handle.....handles. (Ziva opens the door for Nikki) | |
| Tony: McGee, you're looking very guilty over there. You didn't do that thing that I told you not to do did you? McGee: Why would I do that? Did you do that? | |
| | |
| Abby: (to Tony and Nikki in Iraq over teleconference): I didn't know you guys were sharing a room. Ziva: (aside to Abby) They are sharing a room? Tony: We're not exactly sharing a room. Ziva: Either they're sharing a room or they're not sharing a room. I don't see what is so exact or not exact about it. Ziva: (walks in, smiling and carries a coffee to McGee's desk) For the one you got me last week. McGee: Aw, thank you. Ziva: (leans in to see what he's looking at on screen and gasps) That is quite a kiss, McGee! McGee: (grins) Not bad for a wallpaper, huh? Ziva: (chuckles) Well, you seem to be enjoying yourself. (muses) I have never seen a tongue quite so... long. Tony: (walks in, looking at them curiously) McGee has a long tongue? Ziva: No, but the cutie-pie he's kissing does. Tony: McGee's kissing a girl? McGee: You can't see it, Tony. Tony: Why not? Ziva: This is McGee's private photograph. And if he does not want you to see it here, then you have to respect his wishes... Or.... (hits a key to bring up a very sweet picture of McGee kneeling next to the dog Jethro, who is licking him, on the squadroom plasma screen) ...see it elsewhere. McGee: Hey! Tony: (laughs) Oh, McRomeo... You should save that stuff for the bedroom. McGee: You're just jealous. Tony: Jealous? I don't think so. What you're doing there could be illegal in some states. Nikki: Or should be.I think I need to wash. McGee: Tony said that if I really want to go, then I shouldn't volunteer. But if he says that I shouldn't volunteer, then he thinks I will volunteer. Which means if I really want to go, I shouldn't volunteer. Abby: That's... good, Timmy. That sounds like you're doing exactly what you... shouldn't. Tony: So um, you got any leads on Ali's whereabouts? McGee: Tony, you're in the same city as him! We're ten Time Zones away! Why did you go to Iraq again? Varni: Good question! Tony: Well let us know. And put my Kill Bill mug back on my desk, McGee! Tony: Major, a man in your unit was murdered! Is there a reason you don't want to know who did it? Varni: Sure I do. I'd also like the war to end, the electricity to work, and for all the tribes to get along. Ridgeway: Like I would assume you would complain to your wife about this one. (tosses his stress ball to Ziva) Gibbs: Her? (chuckles) Oh no, I wouldn't mess with her. Ridgeway: (chuckles) Yeah? Why would he say that? (Ziva throws the stressball, hitting so hard it flattens the stressball) Dina: My husband gets these um....gut feelings.You ever have one of those? Gibbs: Once or twice. | |
| Episode 5.16 "Recoil" | |
| Tony: Where the hell are you McTardy? I'm still here alone with the dead body. | |
| McGee: She seems unfazed. Tony: Those are standard Mossad-style copy-machine assault tactics. | |
| Tony: You've got to look at this objectively. The evidence says he's guilty. Ziva: All circumcised. McGee: Uh, circumstantial. | |
| (Abby on roller blades has been trying to eliminate seconds from her best times for getting around her lab. She stops abruptly and bumps Gibbs) Gibbs: Abs? Abby: Yes Gibbs? Gibbs: Lose the wheels. | |
| McGee: Four boxes, four bags evidence, four bags of personal effects....I am going to be here forever. | |
| (Abby trying to get a bad CCTV picture to sharpen, to identify suspect...it is driving her bats) McGee: Did you try detecting edges? (Abby stares him down) McGee: I'm detecting an edge. Abby: If I've told you once I've told you a thousand times McGee: There is no substitute for quality source imagery, I know. | |
| Tony: (To Ziva) Hey, McGee thinks your raging against the machine because you had to kill your serial killer boyfriend. | |
| Ziva: Uno mas, Si'l vous plait. Michael: You're mixing your languages. Ziva: And my liquors. | |
| Tony: (To Ziva) "Guess what Locke's girlfriend's blood type is? The same blood type Abby found on the knife, B positive. Although it's hard to be positive when the news is so negative. | |
| Tony: Listen, I wasn't trying to make light of what you went through. Just trying to snap you out of your head space, you know? Ziva: I have perfectly good space in my head. Michael: You know, I've never handled a gun before. Ziva: Well you're not going to handle one now. Michael: Well, ah I guess I'll just have to handle something else. (Ziva giggles slightly) | |
| Gibbs: Is that what this is about? You doubting your judgment? Ziva: I should have moved earlier. Gibbs: You woulda if you coulda. Ziva: I left it too late. Gibbs: You still took him out. Ziva: I almost died. Gibbs: But you didn't. You gotta trust your judgment Ziva. Moment you don't. It won't be almost. Ziva (to Michael): You touched my gun. Gibbs: Always suspect the spouse! Ducky: Speaking from experience, Jethro? Abby: That's why I'm never getting married. Tony: Sea of Love, boss.Remember that movie.Al Pacine played a cop, sleeps with a serial killer, played by Ellen Barkin.The zany twist here is, Ziva's Pacino and Locke is Barkin, might even be bitin'. | |
| Episode 5.17 "About Face" | |
| McGee:Gonna be kind of tough play the "Q" without a "U." Ziva: You peeked! McGee: Did not - Process of elimination. I counted the tiles on the board. Tony: You suck the fun out of everything McCheat. McGee: Give it up, Ziva. (Ziva put the word QI on the board) McGee: "Qui?" I don't think so! Ziva: Chi," as in the life energy that flows through all things. Tony: You should've seen that one coming, Probie Wan-Kenobi. | |
| Leon: So you saw a man with a gun and you decided to chase after him? Palmer: No I chased after him and then I saw the gun. Leon: I can't tell if you're dumb or brave. Palmer: Not brave enough. Leon: The gun? Palmer: What about it? Leon: Automatic, revolver? Nickle plated, black, dull, shiny, big, small? Palmer: Big Leon: The barrel? Palmer: Yes, the barrel. Leon: So we're looking for a beady-eyed reptile with a big gun? Leon: Sounds like he's got a serious case of brain freeze. Gibbs: Well, freeze can thaw, Leon. Tony: (referring to an empty parking space previously occupied by a camper) Looks like we missed the twister. Abby (to Palmer): You are Baby Gibbs! (Palmer grins, pleased at the compliment) Palmer: Did we catch him? Did we learn anything about this guy? McGee: No ... but we certainly learned something about you... Palmer: Whatever it is ... it's not what you think! McGee: If the shoe fits... Palmer: Wait! Where are you going? McGee: These boots were made for walking. Gibbs: (reassuring a worried Ducky): Duck, you let me worry about the guy with the gun. Abby: One time I got my lip stuck in a vacuum cleaner display at the department store. I lost, like, a quart of saliva before my cousin pulled the plug. I still have nightmares about it. Can't be alone with a HEPA filter. Palmer: How old were you? Abby: 22. It was like Fat Tuesday or Arbor Day... Ducky: You have to decide what's in your bones Mr. Palmer. Ducky (to Palmer): I have no doubt you have it in you to die a hero's death, but for now perhaps you can help me examine the dead? Ducky (to corpse about Palmer): Sometimes I worry about that young man. | |
| Leon: (having seen Gibbs 'order' his team without saying a word). Short leash. Gibbs: Them or me? (referring to her facial recognition software) Abby: It didn't ding. My dinger didn't ding. My dinger must be broken again. Palmer: How do you do it? Gibbs: (silence) Palmer: Block out fear Gibbs: You don't, its what you do with it. | |
| [McGee and Ziva are playing Scrabble] Tony: Hey, what's going on here? Did I get off on the wrong floor, I thought this was an office. McGee: Officer David and I are engaged in a linguistic developmental exercise intended to bolster her English vocabulary. Tony: (chuckles) That's good. Do you think Gibbs will buy it? Ziva: It is not my vocabulary that needs bolsterment, McGee. McGee: Not a word. Hence the scoreboard. McGee: No.... Ziva: (laughs) Sixty-two points!!! Tony: Jedi wins. McGee:I'm challenging!! Gibbs: (walking in) You all are! Grab your gear. Playtime's over. (McGee panics, opening Ziva's drawer and dumping the tiles and board in, hazardly sweeping the ones on desk to the floor as she gives him an odd look and the team gets ready to go) McGee: Uhh... that was a, uh, language exercise we weren't actually playing. Tony: So he didn't actually lose. McGee: Correct! Gibbs: So he wasn't actually humiliated. (Ziva and Tony look at each other and chuckle on their way out) Tony: We gotta find out what he was doing up here. Ziva: And with whom he was doing it. Tony: Doing what? Ziva: Whatever it was he was doing when he was undone. Tony: Done? What? Ziva: Done! [Ziva leaves] Tony: Wait... Ducky: In. My dear fellow. Done in. Don't you understand the Queen's English? Tony: Not this queen. Gibbs: He's not a field agent. Vance: He's a member of your team. Gibbs: He works for Ducky. Vance: Ducky works for you. Gibbs: Something bugging you, Leon? Vance: Yeah. Director's back end of the week. I wanna go home. I miss my kids. I miss San Diego. Missed my flight because of this case. I just want it solve it so I can leave! Gibbs: Works for me! Ducky: How is Mr. Palmer?... I really miss his assistance. You never fully appreciate someone until they're not here. Gibbs: Hah, he'll be all right. Ducky: Jimmy may not have had a good look at the shooter, but I fear the shooter may have had a good look at him. Gibbs: Duck, you let me worry about the shooter. (Jimmy pulls up to a suspect's home after being told to stay at NCIS) Gibbs: What are you doing here? Palmer: I thought I could help. Gibbs: What part of stay don't you understand? Stay, Palmer! You stay in the car! [while Gibbs and the team are busy Jimmy notices the suspect about to escape and rams his car] Gibbs: [after disarming the suspect] What the h*** were you thinking?! Palmer: I did not get out of the car. Gibbs: Don't ever do it again!! (pauses and gives Palmer a proud smile) Now you have something to write home about, Palmer. Palmer: [about the passport he saw] Let's see. It was blue, dark blue. McGee: Yes, you've managed to narrow it down to the most popular color in the world. Tony: I hope there's no tornadoes.You know what they say about tornadoes and trailer..... Gibbs: (headslaps Tony) Gear, go, get back! Tony: Wow, should have seen that one coming. | |
| | |
| Episode 5.18 "Judgment Day Parts 1 & 2" | |
| Abby (playing Ziva): Haircut, McGee McGee (as himself, puzzled by Abby's strange manner): Noooo. (cautiously) Ducky (playing Tony): I think it was a suggestion McGee, not a question. Ziva (to Tony): Is that why we are here? So you can google the girls? | |
| Ziva: (reading, lying on a chair wearing a bikini, Tony comes up behind her) You're googling, again. Tony: A book. How McGee-ish of you. Ziva: You're in my sun. Tony: You'll thank me later. Come on, let's go. Ziva: If you value that hand, I suggest you back away, slowly. Abby (talking to herself about Jenny's photographs): She's a great director; Annie Leibovitz she's not. Franks: Gibbs teach you that? Jenny: Gibbs didn't teach. You watch. You learn. Franks: You learn. I taught. Jenny: You need something Agent DiNozzo? Tony: Nothing, just checking in with our fearless leader. Jenny: What did I tell you Tony? Tony: Not to call you our fearless leader. | |
Tony: AAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH | |
| Jenny: Stop looking at my ass. Franks: There is nothing else to look at. | |
| Ducky (To the Director's body): You my dear, were a woman who always knew what she wanted. A trait as some may have seen as mere carreerism, rather than the true sense of duty I know carried you. That’s why I cant help but wondering if your death too, was on your terms. | |
| Ziva: You have not listened to anything I have said. Tony: Well it's only been three years. I'm a slow learner. Ziva: And a slow healer. You're crying over spilled... milk. Tony: It's not milk that I spilled. Ziva: Do not do this Tony. Tony: Don't do what? Blow my protection detail? My undercover assignment? Ziva: Those sound like apologies. Tony: She died alone. Ziva: We are all alone. Tony: Paris. That's when it must have happened. Ziva: The two of them alone in another world. Tony: Putting their lives in each other's hands every day. Ziva: Not to mention the long nights. Tony: It was inevitable. Ziva: Nothing is inevitable. | |
| Vance: Did you know Mike Franks was involved in this? (at the same time) Ziva: Yes. Tony: No. Vance: You want to take a moment and get your stories straight? (at the same time) Ziva: No. Tony: Yes. Vance: That explains how Director Shepard got out to the dinner. Franks was the fifth shooter. Tony: On Jenny's side. Vance: Who's side are you on? (at the same time) Ziva: Gibbs. Tony: Gibbs. Vance: Well you finally got your story straight. | |
| Franks: I'm not a people perons. Jenny: I noticed. Franks: It's not that I don't like 'em.They just never seem to like me. Jenny: Decker never had that problem. Franks: Then why's he dead? Franks: If you're looking for an apology...... Gibbs: I know better. Franks: I'm sorry Gunny. McGee: When are you back? Gibbs: On my way. McGee: What about Tony and - [McGee's search completes] Gibbs: McGee! McGee: Boss, we got a problem here. Gibbs: Just one? McGee: I saw you two went swimming. [Tony angrily closes his desk drawer, and walks to McGee's desk] Tony: What are you saying McGee? McGee: ... Nah..... I'm saying I saw a picture of Ziva at the pool when - Tony: Say it! McGee: Say what? Tony: I screwed up! You can say it, Probie. McGee: It was not your fault. Ziva: Thank you. Vance: Think of a reason why I shouldn't personally throw the book at you for hindering a Federal Inquiry. Gibbs: Because you want this to go away. Vance: Where the h*** are you? Gibbs: Not far. Vance: Franks with you? Gibbs: Should he be? Vance: If he's not then he's on his way to Mexico with Decker's insurance policy. (on the other end of the phone, Gibbs grins) Vance: Don't smile. Sasha: William never said anything specific, just that if anything were to happen to him, that I was to deliver a message. Jenny:To whom? Franks: [Sasha gets a book hands a card to Franks] "Jenny Shepard Director NCIS" Sasha: You know her? Franks: Unfortunately. Tony: Status, McGee. McGee: Gibbs out there.Vance out there.Natasha out there.Us here. Tony: What are we doing? Ziva: Waiting for the fireworks. Vance: Photo pops up, Gibbs runs off the reservation, and nobody knows a thing! Tony: Sounds like a Wednesday. Abby: Call 'em again! McGee: I've already left Tony five messages. Abby: Call Ziva! McGee: Eight messages. Abby: Why did you call Ziva more than you called Tony?.....Right, not important.What is important is that we remain calm. McGee: I am calm. Abby: Dont you care about your friends?! McGee: You just said.....never mind. Ducky: Am I interrupting something? McGee: Just Abby's nervous breakdown. Abby: (about Jenny) She was always such a snappy dresser, you know? Like a classy.I never tolder that.Why didn't I tell her that? She would have liked that.She would've smiled.You can't wait with stuff like that because you never know what's going to happen.........I like the way you dress, Gibbs.It's masculine and spruce, and always with a jacket. (Gibbs smiles) See even you smiled.(the team walks in) And Tony your business, and after hours.......it's nice.Ziva you kick butt and you look so good doing it.McGee.......oh, McGee! McGee: I've tried letter substitution. I've tried frequency analysis, Affine shift ciphers. Leon: Affine shift ciphers? McGee: It's kinda hard to explain. No offense. Leon: You mean it's hard to explain why you'd waste your time on an Affine shift without even knowing the multiplicative inverse? McGee: Why I thought... Leon: Have you tried a transposition cipher? McGee: Not yet. Leon: Visioneer encryption? McGee: Well, I was going to. Leon: So, you haven't done anything. (hands McGee a toothpick) You call me when you have. | |
| Vance: Officer David, the liaison position with NCIS is being terminated. You’re going home. McGee, I’m moving you across to the Cyber Crimes Unit. You’ll be working with Officer Holsworth, starting tomorrow. DiNozzo. Tony: Sir. Vance: You’ve been reassigned. Agent afloat, USS Ronald Reagan. Pack your bags, you fly out tomorrow. Agent Gibbs. (hands Gibbs three folders) Meet your new team. Ducky just got off the phone with Gibbs and turns around. McGee: Who? Ducky: Jenny |
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| ncis&abbyrock!!!!! | When Vance reassigned the Giblets | 11 | Jul 13 2009, 4:07 PM EDT by Mulchahy | ||
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Thread started: Mar 1 2009, 9:17 PM EST
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I remember being SO mad at Vance for that!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I hated him!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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