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NCIS Quotes Season 7
| Below are quotes categorized by season and episode. Add to the quotes by clicking on "EasyEdit" and clicking in the cell below the heading to add a new quote! |
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| Episode 7.01 "Truth or Consequences" | |
| McGee: I am not your home theater guy. Tony: Don't be redonculous. Of course you're my home theater guy. Tony: It's computers. It's your thing. If I had a thing I'd show if off all the time. Gibbs: There's rules against that DiNozzo. Tony: You don't trust me to be professional? Gibbs: No casting couch. Tony: (Telling the terrorist interrogator about replacing Ziva.) It might be easier to replace the drummer from 'Spinal Tap." Tony: (about Leon Vance) Some people don't like him. Some people don't trust him. Some people want to replace him. McGee: I've been thinking about buying some tight, red-leather pants. Something that really cradles my butt. Tony: Abby Sciuto. NCIS resident forensic scientist. A paradox wrapped in an oxymoron surrounded by a contradiction in terms. Sleeps in a coffin. Really, the happiest Goth you'll ever meet. Saleem: You change the world with rivers of blood. Tony: Did you know in Arabic, Sahara means 'desert'? So really, the Sahara Desert is Desert Desert...lots of sand. McGee: Blah, blah, blah. Computer stuff. Blah. Abby: Words...lots of words...emotions...thanks for listening. Gibbs: Some idiot smuggled a koala on a submarine. Tony: (upon seeing Ziva for the first time) So. How was your summer? Ziva: Why are you here? Tony: Couldn't live without you, I guess. Ziva: You should have stayed away. Tony: Okay, tried. Couldn't. Just so you know, I've been given some kind of truth serum, so if there's any questions you don't want the answers to... Tony: Wow. You guys have a whole little thing going on that I'm not seeing. But I get it. Wink, wink, nudge, nudge, Bob's your uncle. I'm hip. I dig it. Gibbs: Good, 'cause I need volunteers. Tony: I volunteer myself and Special Agent McGee for the secret fact-finding mission thingy that's not secret in the Sahara. What are you going to do? Gibbs: You don't want to know. Tony: Good talk. McGee: (while driving through the desert) Thanks for volunteering me. Tony: Come on. You always said you wanted to travel! McGee: On my own time! Tony: On your own dime?Are you crazy?! We can never afford this. Tony: I'm the wild card. You know, the guy who looks at the reality in front of him and refuses to accept it. Tony: You have 30 seconds to live. Salim: You're still bound. You're lying. Tony: I can't lie. And I never said I'd be the one to kill you. Remember when I said my boss is a sniper? Tony (to Ziva): Get over yourself. | |
| Gibbs: [after killing Salim] Let's go home. | |
| Ziva: You got captured ... on purpose? Tony: Yeah. Ziva: These people are killers, Tony. Tony: That's why we have to stay alive long enough to not get dead. Ziva: That would involve getting rescued. Tony: Yes it would. Tony: So, how was your summer? Ziva: Out of everyone in the world who could have found me, it had to be you. Tony: You're welcome. Tony: If I could drag her back I would, in a heartbeat. But it's no use. Ziva David is dead McGee: Hey boss? I think it's time we fill the empty chair. Tony: Our team leader is the fearless special agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs. Former Gunnery Sergeant, Marine sniper, coffee aficionado, and functional mute. Salim: So what are you doing here? Tony: There's only one force on Earth that can short circuit a man's better instincts, put fire in his veins and make him dive head-long into danger without regard for his well being. Vengeance. I'm here to kill you. Salim: DiNozzo. It's an Italian name. Tony: An educated man. Salim: I got my B.S. from Yale University. Tony: [scoffs] I got my B.S. in the streets ... You guys got a lousy football team. | |
| Episode 7.2 "Reunion" | |
| Tony: Ten hut! Like the army greens. We do investigate crimes in the Navy here, though. Nice smile. Good thing I have a strong ego, or I'd think you didn't like me. Tony: *looking back at Agent Filmore* These details are classified, thank you! McGee: No they're not. Tony: They should be. Tony: That's not bad for a guy who spent half of the last mission sleeping on the floor. McGee: I was not sleeping on the floor. Tony: Coulda fooled me. McGee: She'll call when she's ready. Tony: Last time I said that, I ended up tied to a chair in North Africa. Agent Filmore: I had a hard time choosing the right adjectives. I couldn't decide between childish, juvenile, or just plain old annoying! McGee: It's true. Agent Filmore: And you! You know better! But you're so busy playing the faithful sidekick you just go along for the ride! Well, I've had enough. Make sure Agent Gibbs gets that. Tony: Annoying. McGee: Sidekick. Gibbs: It's an old Buck Morris chisel. Ziva: That is not for rescuing me. That is for leaving me in Israel. You are wondering if perhaps I rigged it to explode... Gibbs: Nope. I was thinking that this is a really nice chisel. Ziva: You were right...to leave me there. Gibbs: I know. Ziva: Well, the point is, now I do too. Tony: Hey, you missed a shot there, sidekick. McGee: I am not your sidekick, Tony. Tony: And yet, you are. McGee: No, I am not, because you're not the boss. Tony: When Gibbs isn't here, I'm the boss. Gibbs: Gibbs is here. Tony: Hey, Boss. Ziva: I was not sure what to say. Tony: Well did it have to be said in the men's bathroom? Ziva: I'm sure it had to be said. Ziva: You were lying on the ground, without adequate backup, completely violating protocol. Tony: And doubled parked. Ziva: Yes, I noticed. Ziva: (to Tony) What matters is you had my back. That you have always had my back. Ziva:[ to Gibbs in Gibbs' basement. As they talk about her killing Ari four years prior in the same room] And now he's dead, Eli is all but dead to me and the closest thing I have to a father is accusing me. Ziva: Hello Abby. Abby: (turns music off and glares at Ziva) What the hell is wrong with you? How could you have doubted Tony, after everything you guys have been through together? You really think Tony killed Rivkin because he was 'jealous'?! Ziva: Abby, please calm do- Abby: You weren't thinking! That's right, you weren't thinking! Although... I suppose I could understand your initial reaction...you were in an emotional time for you and people act rashly - but to tell Gibbs you didn't trust Tony?! Which... I guess I could also understand, considering. I mean, he did just shoot your boyfriend. In your living room. To death. Alright, I'll give you that. But this is Tony we're talking about here; soft and goofy on the outside, and 100% rock on the inside! And after everything you accused him of, he risked his life to go save you! You should be ashamed of yourself!....Even though in hindsight, it's starting to make a little bit more sense now. But either way - the ball is in your court now! It's Tony one, Ziva zilch! It's your move, and it better be a good one! Tony: I'm sorry, Ziva. Ziva: No. It is I who am sorry. (She touches his face and kisses his cheek gently) Tony & McGee: You're under arrest. Tony: You're a bad putty tat. McGee: (sensing the awkwardness between Tony and Ziva) And...I'm gonna go do that...after I get a Nutter Butter.... | |
| McGee: (seeing a plant and other things on the 'empty' desk) "Ziva's back" | |
| Ziva: I was wrong about Ari. And you. When I pulled the trigger, to save your life, I was not 'following orders.' I mean, how could you even think ... He was my brother. And now he is gone. Eli is all but dead to me. And the closest thing I have... to a father...is accusing me... Gibbs: OK. | |
| Tony: How long have you been standing there? Ziva: Long enough to see that you are well-hydrated after your time in the desert. Tony: Everybody knows that side kicks are shorter, and you.... McGee: Are exactly the same height as you. McGee: You think you're too good looking to be a side kick. ( Elevator opens with Ziva in it) Tony: No, people think I'm too good looking, specifically the lady people Ziva: Actually, I find McGee to be the more handsome, nothing personal. Tony: Think McSidekick! Use the leading man...harness those powers. | |
| Episode 7.3 "The Inside Man" | |
| (Tony's cell phone barks) McGee: That sounds like a dog! Tony: Ah, you're such an easy mark. McGee: You're such a child. All right, we got it. (barking in the distance) McGee: Got my tools . . . Tony: Dogs, McGee. Dogs! McGee: Yeah, right. Tony: Real dogs! Get out of here! McGee! Big dogs! Big dogs! McGee: You said there weren't any dogs! Tony: C'mon! Oh, god. McGee! Get to high ground! | |
| Abby: Ok, explain to my why we are doing this again. What exactly does Gibbs expect me to find? McGee: You know Susan Grady in polygraph right? Abby: Yeah. I I did a metal stress test on the steering wheel and the suspension mechanism, Negative. The computer analysis of the ECU; it recorded the vehicle pushing 1600 rpms at 110 mph when it rolled.... McGee: So you know Grady well enough to call her and find out why I'm retaking the test? Abby: I already did a computer accident reconstruction.... McGee: I was completely relaxed I was thoughtful.... McGee and Abby: You're not listening to me! | |
| Tony: Fraternization in the workplace. Never a good idea. (Tony and Ziva look at each other) | |
| Burns (on the plasma): . . . whose tragic end was investigated by Naval Criminal Investigative Service which was quick to declare the death an accident. Tony: It WAS an accident. Jack*ss. (he throws a ball of paper at the screen) | |
| McGee: Is that pastrami? Tony: Mmmmhmmm. McGee: Can I have some? Tony: Nuhuh. McGee: Come on! You know I didn't have lunch! Tony: Want my pickle? McGee: I hate pickles. Tony: I know... McGee: (After Tony stuffs remainder of sandwich in his mouth.) I hope you choke on that. | |
| Episode 7.4 "Good Cop, Bad Cop" | |
| Gibbs:(to Ziva) Get to work, Probie. Gibbs: [ After Vance leaves him] Everything is upside down. Gibbs: Are you superstitious? Vance: I'm a little stitious. McGee: I'm running a diagnostic on the virus you removed from my computer. Tony: It's gone Probie. Get over it. McGee: I can't even figure out how the virus got in the system. It wasn't an attachment. It wasn't a Trojan Horse. I can't quarantine the file... Tony: Hey! I'm a hacker. I hack. (Grabs keyboard away from McGee.) We've got bigger issues. Ziva's in with Principal Vance getting paddled, or up a creek without one. We got a dead Marine, right? What do we got? McGee: I'll tell you what we've got. We've got Marine Staff Sergeant Daniel Cryer. Recruited right out of high school. Tony: Talk faster. Eliminate the dead air between your words. My mind absorbs things very quickly. McGee (quickly): Received training at Camp Pendelton then shipped out on multiple tours in Iraq and Afghanistan. Specialized in counter-intelligence. Immaculate record until six months ago. Unauthorized absence. Failed to report back to his fire base outside Kandahar. Stopped communicating with family and friends. Tony: Take a breath. Have a keyboard. (Hands keyboard back to McGee.) Well done. Ducky: Oh look at her. Look at the state she's in. I would have thought you'd wanted to be in there yourself, rather than having Vance interrogate her. Gibbs: Don't you have some bodies to tend to, Duck? Ducky: The evidence from the Damacles is being unloaded as we speak. Isn't this punishing her? I mean, you're not concerned that she might lie to you. Gibbs: Eh, maybe it's tough love. Ducky: You do know there are other kinds. | |
| Ziva: How is my agent application coming McGee: Trust me...I'm working my magic, trust me Ziva when I'm through you will be... (beeping noise) McGee: Ooh code blue. Tony: Someone's been black balled. McGee: They gave you the red-flag. Ziva: What is blue, black and red? Tony: Zebra in a blender McGee: That's black, white and red all over. Tony: Newspaper. McGee: Penguin with a sunburn. Tony: Nun falling down stairs. | |
| Vance: Bad cop? Gibbs: You've been playing good cop all this time? Ziva:You're lucky you're not dead. Daniel:That's true for anyone. Abby: No plan, Just go, find along the way, if you look for something specific.... McGee:...then there's only 1 right answer Ziva:[To Vance] Look I have learned many things from Gibbs. One of the first lessons, there's no such thing as an ex-marine. Ziva:[ To Ben Qidon] Never apologize, it's a sign of weakness. Gibbs:[To Ben Qidon] So this is how your boss operates. Sends you to burn her. Gibbs: [To Ben Qidon] Go, get out of here, run. You tell Eli David, to stay away. She's off limits. Gibbs:[ To Ziva] Your father; Ziva, he's not a good guy. He's dirty. | |
| Episode 7.5 "Code of Conduct" | |
| Gibbs: No costume this year Abbs? Abby: Oh, after last year's Jonas Brothers debacle, Vance banned all costumes...McGee, skinny jeans...didn't work. | |
| Tony: "So Mr. Rogers did you kill your neighbor?" | |
| Ziva: "It's NCIS! We don't want any candy!" Tony: "Speak for yourself..." ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Tony: "I love Halloween!" Ducky: Interesting date for such a ghoulish demise. Palmer: Yeah, it's a really cool way to go! [silence] Cool, as in the temperature. Liquid nitrogen. Forget it. Tony: Probies, talk louder, I can hear you in there. Ziva: McGee has been at NCIS for six years. I have been here four. We ARE agents, so can you PLEASE stop calling us ... Gibbs: Problem, Probie? Ziva: If Tony is right about the wife, I will never live it down! Rachel: When do I get my inheritance? Gibbs: When you're 25? Tony: That will go a long way in the prison gift shop. Ziva: For my sanity, can you not call me Probie? Tony: But I say it with love. | |
| Episode 7.6 "Outlaws and Inlaws" | |
| Tony: I am a white male, between the ages of 18 and 49, with a loud mouth and a gun. I am the American dream. | |
| Mike: I have never hit a woman, but-- Shada: I am finding that hard to believe. Mike: I'm finding it hard to believe you're actually a woman! | |
| (Ziva's asleep at her desk) McGee: You do realize this is a trap.She's practically inviting us to mess with her. Tony: Well, what kind of man would I be to turn down such an enticing invitation. McGee: You wouldn't be a sucker. (As Tony goes to draw on her face, thinking she's asleep) Ziva: Touch me and die. Tony: Hello. Mike: DiNozzo. Shoulda told me you were coming. Tony: I called and you didn't pick up. Mike: Not gonna answer the phone, I'm a fugitive. Tony: Well, what do you want me to do? Mike: Knock. Tony: Why would I knock, there's no lock on that door! Mike: Someone might be on the other side with a gun. Tony: Why would somebody be standing on the other side with a gun? Mike: Because there's no lock on the door. Mike: Lady Ziva, glad you're here. Gibbs send you? Ziva: We have been instructed to sit on the baby. Mike: Why don't you put something in front of the door? Tony: Na, I'll just stand here with my gun. Vance: How's the statement coming, Mike? Mike: It's a load of crap.Probie called me on it. Vance: You lied to us? Mike: I'm sure your shocked and appalled, Director. Vance: What're you gonna hold her on, Mike? She hasn't committed a crime. Mike: Conspiracy to be a b****. Bell: Personally, however, I have not broken any laws. Gibbs: US laws.But the federales want to talk to ya', Tony: Yeah, turns out bounty hunting is illegal south of the border. Ziva: God bless Mexico. Vance: You think the grandparents can work this out? Gibbs: My dad told me a story once. Dates back maybe thirty years after the Civil War. My great great grandmother and grandfather had fathers that fought on either side. These two old warriors, they probably shot at each other on the battlefield. They couldn't even look at each other if their own kids wouldn't. But they did come to live with each other in the same house. And they spent everyday for the rest of their lives on the front porch in a couple of wicker rocking chairs, rocking back and forth. Vance: Well, here's hoping. But we got better things to do than be Franks' family counsel. Gibbs: Yeah. Vance: I guess they worked out their differences, your relatives. They mellowed with time, right? Gibbs: Way I heard it, those two never said a word. Mike: Is that the bad guy?.....Hey Probie, is that the guy that put the hit on me? Gibbs: No one was after you. Mike: What? Gibbs: You were just the only lead they had. Mike: Who's 'they'? Gibbs: Layla and Amira's family from Iraq. They hired those two PMC's to find them. You killed 'em. You wanna know who the real bad guy here is, Mike? Go look in the d*** mirror! Gibbs: I thought that you were gonna give me some room on this? Vance: I was and I am. But I know Colonel Bell, we have friends in common on the Hill. Gibbs: Then this is about politics. Vance: Your approach lacks finesse. Gibbs: Finesse? Vance: You could show him the same courtesy I showed you when this case began. Gibbs: You mean rub his nose in it? Vance: You can go heavy if you want. But we're talking about the man with the largest private collection of legally obtained hardware in the United States. He's got Blackhawks in his front yard. Gibbs: Are you worried I'm too blunt, Leon? Vance: You are transparent. Two of his men are dead, you know who the killed them.I don't want Colonel Bell to get the impression that we're harboring a fugitive. Gibbs: Why would he jump to that conclusion? Vance: Well, you don't appear to be devoting too much time in tracking down his killer. If I were Bell that might make me nervous. H***, if I were me that might make me nervous. Gibbs: Mike Franks and his family are at my house. Vance: And you were about to send your agents over there to keep an eye on them. Gibbs: Sure. While I find a more delicate way to approach Colonel Bell. That be any thing you want to help me with maybe? Vance: It's like we were reading each others minds. | |
| Tony: Are you studying to become a naturalized American citizen? Ziva: I have to if I want to become an agent. McGee: Good for you, Ziva. Tony: Who says we want her as an American? Ziva: Who says you have a say? Tony: A little thing called the Constitution! Ziva: [sarcastically] Really? Where? Tony: It's in there, and it talks about dangerous foreign aliens stealing our precious bodily fluids. | |
| Tony: That's -- Abby: Uh-huh! McGee: It's no longer in -- Abby: Nuh-uh! Ziva: This is Gibbs' boat. Abby: This is the crime scene! It was flown here on a C130 cargo plane along with two bodies and all the evidence, and now it is mine. It is all mine! So I can figure out the mystery! McGee: What mystery? Who the dead guys were? Ziva: Or who killed them. Tony: Or how they ended up on the boat. Abby: Sure, you guys should work on that! While I figure out how he got it out of the basement! | |
| Tony: [on the phone] I can't hear you, McGee. I'm in the basement. McGee: Why? Tony: Because I don't want to talk about the case in front of Leila and the kid. Abby: Listen, Tony, this is really important. I need you to check the seams of the walls. Tony: The walls? Abby: Well do they appear to be removable? Tony: Huh. McGee: Abby. Abby: Or a tunnel, maybe?! It could be hidden under something on the floor. Something that looks like it doesn't belong. Tony: Actually, I think Colonel Hogan has got a radio in the coffee pot, but the tunnel might have been filled in. | |
| Episode 7.7 "Endgame" | |
| McGee: [knocks] Ms. DeMarco, NCIS. We need to speak with you. Tony: Ms. DeMarco, open up. We want to talk to you. [sounds of a shotgun being pumped cause Tony and McGee to take cover, then a shot is fired through the door] Federal agents! Drop it! DeMarco: Did that piece of filth Serro send you?! Because I've got a message for him! You can tell him -- [peeks out the door] -- did you say federal agents? Tony: Yes, federal agents! McGee: Serro's dead! Put the weapon down! DeMarco: Okay. [puts gun on the ground] Tony: Hands in the air! DeMarco: Okay. Sorry. Tony: Who do you think you are, Sarah Palin?! | |
| Ziva: [Tony has just walked into the Ladies' Room and they have been talking about Pak Sui Ji and Agent Dunham] Oh come on; stop being such a big brother. McGee: Lee Wuan Kai: North Korean assassin, one time fanatical nationalist, credited with 27 targeted hits in seven countries, dozens more by association -- Tony: She likes quiet walks on the beach, laughing with friends and playing Frisbee with her Cocker spaniel Ruphus. Ziva: [snatches the paper away] It does not say that. Tony: Well it might as well. Look at those come hither eyes, those perfect kiss me now lips. No wonder Vance is obsessed. Kai's killing me and I'm just looking at her. You and Kai are probably a lot more alike than you think. Ziva: I do not follow. Tony: Really? A couple of pretty ladies, both trained assassins. Ziva: You annoy me sometimes. Tony: Sometimes? Ziva: Most of the time! | |
| Tony: Maybe Little Timmy is late for the short bus. | |
| Episode 7.8 "Power Down" | |
| McGee: Do you see this? Nine hours, 21 minutes! [shoves his watch in Ziva's face] Ziva: Has it been that long? [takes the watch away and breaks it] McGee: Why did you do that?? Ziva: Because it was either you or the watch! McGee: It's just, what's taking so long, you know? Ziva: Look, I'm sure we're not the only ones that need to be rescued. Plus, things could be a lot worse. McGee: Yeah, how's that? Ziva: We could be stuck here with Tony. Tony: [from outside the elevator] I heard that! I find it very interesting that the two of you left together late last night! Ziva: Just ignore him. He's like an annoying bug. Eventually he'll just go away. McGee: Ziva, it's been five years. Trust me, he's not going anywhere. | |
| Gibbs: What've you got? Abby: A better question is what have you not got Abbs, and the better answer would be a Caf-Pow! I'm trying to make my own here, but I'm missing like 400 ingredients. Gibbs: Are you all right? Abby: No, I'm not okay! I'm not going to be okay until the power comes back on and I can run diagnostics on one of my babies. These aren't like light bulbs, Gibbs. You can't turn them on and off, and they're complex pieces of machinery that requires precise shutdown sequences. I don't understand! I mean, why does autopsy get backup power and I don't? I mean, MTAC, I get that, but what does Ducky have that I don't have? Gibbs: Corpses. Abby: I'll get some corpses! | |
| Gibbs: Book him, Dan-nozzo Tony: Nice reference to Hawaii Five-O, boss | |
| Tony: Is it possible for your feet to die while attached to your body? | |
| McGee: Her husband's name is Anthony... Tony: Yes, nice name. Abby: [Holds shot glass out to Gibbs] What does this smell like? Gibbs: Whiskey. Abby: Good. [Takes shot] McGee: It's just like a tardis. Tony: A tard what? McGee: A tardis, the machine that Dr. Who uses to time travel with... | |
| Episode 7.9 "Child's Play" | |
| Episode 7.10 "Faith" | |
| Episode 7.11 "Episode Title" | |
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| Episode 7.12 "Episode Title" | |
| Episode 7.13 "Episode Title" | |
| Episode 7.14 "Episode Title" | |
| Episode 7.15 "Episode Title" | |
| Episode 7.16 "Episode Title" | |
| Episode 7.17 "Episode Title" | |
| Episode 7.18 "Episode Title" | |
| Episode 7.19 "Episode Title" | |
| Episode 7.20 "Episode Title" | |
| Episode 7.21 "Episode Title" | |
| Episode 7.22 "Episode Title" | |
| Episode 7.23 "Episode Title" | |
| Episode 7.24 "Episode Title" | |
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| lulu4394 | misquotes | 0 | Oct 28 2009, 1:16 AM EDT by lulu4394 | ||
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Thread started: Oct 28 2009, 1:16 AM EDT
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i agree they are funny but there are also mis quotes. most of them have the right idea but arent nearly as good when not worded right.
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| firesing | misquotes | 0 | Oct 6 2009, 10:04 PM EDT by firesing | ||
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Thread started: Oct 6 2009, 10:04 PM EDT
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Funny, but a few quotes were mis-worded.
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| ncis,fanatic!100 | mn, | 0 | Sep 25 2009, 5:44 AM EDT by ncis,fanatic!100 | ||
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Thread started: Sep 25 2009, 5:44 AM EDT
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